Chef Boyardee rebrands to “Depression Chow”

MILTON, PA – The popular meal-adjacent product Chef Boyardee has announced its plan to simply rebrand to “Depression Chow.” Marketing director Joshua Alden explained that the change coincid…

Doug Ford vows to find budget cut that will stop COVID

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford announced on Monday that he will stem the rising number of COVID cases by implementing a strategy that has always worked for his administration in the pa…

Mental health experts recommend eating a block of Parmesan over the sink and lying about it

In these difficult times, many are struggling to maintain good mental health in the face of social isolation and economic uncertainty. Health experts warn that it’s important to make time and spa…

American man not patriotic enough to vote in upcoming election

OTTAWA – US citizen Andrew Scheer has disappointed his fellow countrymen by refusing to participate in the upcoming US election, sources confirm. Scheer’s lack of care for the future of his…

Ford: “When I blamed young people for spreading COVID, I didn’t mean my MPPs”

TORONTO – In response to photos of Ontario’s youngest MPP, Sam Oosterhoff, posing indoors in a tightly gathered group of roughly 40 unmasked people, premier Doug Ford explained that althoug…

Senator Lynn Beyak: I didn’t know donating to Trump was illegal, I thought it was just racist

OTTAWA – Senator Lynn Beyak is in trouble once again, but she wants to assure the Canadian public who pay her $157,600 yearly salary that breaking American election law was never her intent…

Adorable? This cow and dog are best friends but the cow keeps feeding the dog QAnon propaganda

Times are tough! There’s no denying that. To begin to list through everything that’s been causing us stress this year would be redundant, we get it. But we wanted to show you that there is still …

Travel Alberta ad invites tourists to marvel at crumbling public health care system

CALGARY – A new set of ads released by Alberta’s tourism agency is wooing tourists to visit the province’s decaying public health care system. Striking support workers, exhausted nurses, an…

Baby’s first word is “CRA is experiencing longer than normal call volume…”

MONCTON – Local baby, Margaret O’Connor-Williams, has reportedly uttered “CRA is experiencing longer than normal call volume” as her first word due to her parents having been on hold with t…

Premier Ford grants university status to “The End is Nigh” sign guy

TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has granted university status to a local rambling proselytizer known for his public outspokenness. The University of Repent Sinners or Burn in Hell will …