TORONTO – In an upset win, Ontario Premier Doug Ford took home the Academy Award for Best Leading Actor due to his performance crying crocodile tears for all the people dying of COVID as a resul...
Oscar paparazzi getting great shots of their own laptops
LOS ANGELES, CA – The 93rd Academy Awards are underway, and the socially distanced press is currently getting some great shots of the famous attendees when they appear onscreen during the live s...
Punk optometrist asks patient to read bottom line of festival poster
MONTREAL — Local punk and professional optometrist Riley “Pinkeye” Abraham tested a patient’s eyesight this morning by asking her to read the bottom line of a PUNTER FEST poster, sources report. “I co...
Ontarians reminisce about other Ford brother whose bumbling incompetence didn’t kill anyone
TORONTO – As they reflected from their places of quarantine, Ontarians reminisced about the late Toronto mayor Rob Ford, whose tenure from 2010-2014 didn’t lead to the deaths of thousands. Many ...
REPORT: Experts warn Canada’s bouncy housing market dangerously overinflated
VANCOUVER – After a record-shattering March, experts are warning that the asset valuation of Canadian bouncy property may be drastically overblown, to the point where many young Canadians worry ...
Woman who doesn’t get “pronouns” requests you describe her as “vaccine-hesitant”
GEORGIAN BAY, ON – Stacey Amber, a woman who has told you on many occasions without provocation she “doesn’t get gender pronouns” has requested you use “vaccine-hesitant” when addressing her. “I...
Editorial: Can a celebrity be governor of California?
Following the announcement by gold medal winning Olympian and reality television star Caitlyn Jenner that she will be running for governor of California, the sensitive and unresolved question must be ...
Heartwarming: Doug Ford learns MS Paint
News in Photos....
Canada more divided than ever between have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces
OTTAWA – Despite years of equalization payments, a new study has found that there is an increasing divide between the have-not and have-idiot-premier provinces. “The have-nots in our count...
Local woman doesn’t want to be that annoying vegan stereotype so she just eats meat
VANCOUVER – Local blogger, Elspeth Sosa, who has been vegan for 9 years, insists she doesn’t want to be that annoying vegan stereotype, so she just eats meat along with dairy products and eggs. ...
