Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees
MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …
Justin Trudeau still pausing
OTTAWA – This past Tuesday, Justin Trudeau took a 21 second pause before commenting on Donald Trump’s use of military action against protestors. Three days after the briefing, sources repor…
Jet Ski ends its relationship with Stockwell Day
OTTAWA – Personal watercraft manufacturer Jet Ski has ended its relationship with Stockwell Day after the spokesman denied there was systemic racism in Canada. “Our relationship with Mr. Da…
Heartwarming! Major newspaper chain continues to publish deranged rants of ignorant old man
In these uncertain times, it can be useful to focus on small acts of human kindness, to remember our shared humanity through the generosity with which we treat each other. In that spirit, let’s a…
Summer camp closure leaves masked killer with too much free time
VANCOUVER, BC – With the cancellation of summer camp programs across the country, escaped murderer Billy Webber is finding himself unsure of how we will spend the season without a fresh bat…
Medical Workers hoping to receive PPE hand-me-downs from riot police
NEW YORK CITY – In the wake of Black Lives Matter protestors being confronted by heavily armed and even heavier PPE-d riot police, dangerously under-funded medical workers fighting COVID-19…
Woman that has been silent all week about BLM perpetuates silence with Blackout Tuesday post
TORONTO – In an attempt to show her solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement, Krista Hamilton posted a black square to her Instagram despite having remained silent all week. “I reall…
Feminism Win! This female cop also sucks ass
In what many are heralding as a diversity win, police officer Danica Greer is defying traditional gender roles by proving that female cops can be just as big pieces of shit as their male cohorts.…
United States deploys troops to politically unstable nation of the United States
WASHINGTON, DC- The United States government announced today that it will send active duty troops to the chaos plagued country of the United States to help quell the growing civic unrest. “Americ…
Trudeau promises to be aware of systemic racism in Canada as long as he doesn’t have to do anything about it
OTTAWA – As demonstrations erupted this week across the continent and the world to protest racism and police brutality, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau today made it clear that he is aware of…
