Toronto Police Service seeks bold new leader committed to the status quo
TORONTO – Following Toronto Police Chief Mark Saunders’ announcement that he has chosen to step down, the city’s Police Services Board has announced that they are seeking a bold new l…
Canadian Dam Association releases report on the amount of work done by uncertified beavers
OTTAWA – A shocking centuries-long report has been released by the Canadian Dam Regulation on the amount of work done on the nation’s dams by uncertified beaver labourers. The report detail…
Government finally funds Canadian artists
OTTAWA – To the shock and disbelief of thousands of actors, musicians, and arts administrators across the country, the CERB payments necessitated by the COVID-19 outbreak have provided CanadaR…
Ford: “Ontario to slowly re-open COVID-19 outbreaks”
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has announced his government will be carefully re-opening the province to COVID-19 outbreaks. With over 200 new cases reported yesterday, the premier s…
Toyota deeply regrets “Catch the Corolla Virus” ad campaign
JAPAN – Following an immense public backlash, Toyota Motor Corporation has issued a complete and unequivocal apology for the poorly considered wording of their multi-media ad campaign titled “Cat…
Internet worried it will run out of vital supplies of porn
THE INTERNET – Amid mass shortages of supplies of daily necessities like toilet paper and cleaning products, anxiety has started to increase with respect to a shortage of pornography available on…
Printer Finally Admits: I Had More Toner In Me
VICTORIA – This week in a remarkable display of altruism an HP Tango X Laserjet sent shockwaves through the stationary scene when it admitted its ‘low toner’ alert was a bold-faced-lie. Wit…
Oops! JK Rowling’s new children’s book has a 60-page TERF manifesto in the middle
LONDON, UK – Harry Potter author JK Rowling has come under fire after her new children’s book The Ickabog was published online with a novella-length TERF manifesto in the middle. “It was we…
LEGO recalls police sets after discovering pieces break down under slightest pressure
DENMARK – The LEGO corporation issued an announcement yesterday that it will be recalling all police-related toy sets after thousands of angry customers reported that the pieces broke down danger…
OPINION: It is nobody’s business what Lindsey Graham does in the privacy of his own voting record
As salacious rumours have begun swirling online about a certain republican senator with the initials “LG”, I want to remind everybody that it is absolutely nobody’s business wha…
