TORONTO – The ousted chairman of Rogers Communications has announced he will try to take back control of the company from the corner of his second floor bedroom, the only location where his Roge...
Horse cops refusing to clean up their shit feels like too easy a metaphor
TORONTO – Earlier this week Toronto city reporter Glyn Berton penned an op-ed about Horse Cops refusing to clean up their shit as a larger metaphor for the problems of policing in the city. The ...
Unemployed anti vaxxer reassured he can always get work as a National Post columnist
TORONTO – After losing his long-term health care job for endangering his colleagues and patients, local vaccine denier Tim Hubble has been reassured by Postmedia he can work as one of their colu...
Woman repeating self-affirmations into mirror accidentally summons demonic life coach
TORONTO – Marie Klein, 22, found herself unwittingly calling forth a devil from the deepest Hells while going about her usual self-confidence building ritual. On the advice of a self-help book s...
Rogers beset by power struggle between guy who will raise your phone bill and guy who will raise your phone bill
TORONTO – Rogers Communications has been gripped by a power struggle that analysts have compared to the TV show Succession, in that everyone involved would spit on your corpse if there was profit invo...
Sean Chu thought City Council would be cool about sexual assault like former precinct
CALGARY- After announcing he would not be stepping down as Ward 4 Councilor amid protests over his 1997 sexual assault of a minor, Sean Chu said he is deeply disappointed that his current coworkers ar...
“Yeah, baby, step on me,” moans kinky autumn leaf
PRINCE EDWARD COUNTY, ON – As the leaves change colour and drop from the trees in a gorgeous display of nature at its most spectacular, one particularly horny maple leaf has been spotted ...
5 celebrities and 1 murderer you didn’t know are Canadian
Canada is home to a ton of talented people (and a disturbing amount of murderers)! But sometimes when they get famous it’s in the U.S., and no one realizes they’re from the Great White Nor...
Restaurant industry failing to attract workers who love low pay, terrible conditions and inconsistent hours
TORONTO – Like many other establishments throughout the industry, the restaurant Wingz and Thingz (thingz referring to a series of disappointing attempts at barbeque) has had to reduce their hou...
Opinion: I can’t even say ‘woman’ anymore, except for how I just said it, and all the times I’ll say it in this piece, and all the times I say it in my everyday life
By Jennifer Smith, a woman Yeah, that’s right, I’m referring to myself as a woman right in the byline. Am I even allowed to do that anymore? Sure, absolutely no one has ever suggested that...
