QUEEN’S PARK – After coming under fire for remarks that immigrants who “collect the dole and sit around” should “go somewhere else,” Ontario Premier Doug Ford clarified that he only meant ...
5 biggest changes that will come from Alberta’s anti-equalization referendum
Yesterday Albertans overwhelmingly voted in favour of amending the Canadian constitution to remove the section that mandates equalization transfers. As this is a complicated constitutional and politic...
Suspended Evander Kane says he’d have to throw at least 10 games to make up for lost wages
SAN JOSE – After being caught for forging his proof of COVID-19 vaccination, San Jose Sharks left winger Evander Kane says he would have to intentionally lose nearly a dozen games to make up for...
Referendum asks Albertans if they want to stop equalization payments, whether they’d like to be able to fly
CALGARY – Albertans are headed to the polls today to make an important determination of whether they want to change the Canadian constitution to get rid of equalization payments, and if theyR...
Over 4 million Albertans diagnosed with long-haul Kenney
CALGARY – Doctors have diagnosed all of Alberta with the long term side-effects of Premier Jason Kenney which could last up to 18 months. Symptoms include crowded hospitals, absent leadership, a...
New Brunswick orders government employees to hover 2 m above ground to avoid Indigenous land claims
FREDERICTON – In a leaked memo from New Brunswick’s minister of justice, all provincial employees have been ordered to levitate at least 2 meters above the ground to avoid complicating the gover...
Dad horrified by haunted house’s baseboard installation
GUELPH, ONT. – Family patriarch, Dominic Barker found himself gripped by otherworldly terror upon witnessing the inferior craftsmanship inside the ‘Hell House Experience’ at his local community fun fa...
Canadian Army considers removing sexual misconduct as a prerequisite for leadership
KINGSTON – While controversy builds in the halls of the Canadian military as candidate after candidate for advancement comes under investigation, Army bosses are considering dropping the sexual ...
As vaccines for kids ages 5-11 develop further, you might have to see your douchebag nephew Kyle as soon as this year
OTTAWA – Pfizer and BioNTech have released preliminary data to Health Canada stating that a vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 years could be available sooner than originally thought. Side effect...
Leafs begin home opener with annual apology for last season
TORONTO – As the Maple Leafs take to the ice to begin their season, MLSE PR have announced a number of pre-game festivities, including the usual apology for the catastrophic failure that was las...
