New Conservative Party variant raises concerns
OTTAWA – A team of high level health officials are currently tracking a newly-discovered variant of the Conservative Party of Canada. The new variant was first detected among a caucus of Co…
Breaking: YouTube ads all in French again
Waterloo, ON – Reports from the Finkel residence have confirmed that the Youtube ads are all in French again. “I needed a break but I didn’t have time to watch a 22 minute tv sh…
Ford sends unvaccinated hospital workers to long term care facilities to free up more beds
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has backtracked on his government’s promise to suspend unvaccinated health care workers and will, instead, send them to long term care facilities to free up more…
Rhyming couplet seeks third
STRATFORD-UPON-AVON – Looking to spice up the poem they’re in, a rhyming couplet has posted an online classified that says “Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall and had a great fall, but now we’re waiting…
Doug Ford promises to spend second term undoing harm caused by first term
TORONTO – After un-cancelling the $15 minimum wage increase, Premier Doug Ford is promising Ontarians that, if re-elected, he will spend the entirety of his second term fighting tooth and n…
Sniffling anti-vaxxers finally relent after being offered a lollipop
CANADA ― In an unforeseen turn of events, anti-vaxxers across Canada suddenly announced their willingness to take a Covid shot today, after realizing that lollipops would be available afterward. …
Bettman promises NHL will never allow sexual assault scandal to leak to media ever again
NEW YORK CITY – In the wake of revelations concerning the horrific sexual assault of Kyle Beach and the Chicago Blackhawks subsequent coverup, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman promised players…
Local man suffers stress-induced heart attack while observing NaNoNutWriMovember
HALIFAX, NS – Local man Greg Sanders, 29, was admitted to hospital following an acute stress-induced cardiac episode, a result of his decision to spend all of November growing a moustache, …
45-year old man wondering when he’ll feel like the grown-up in the room
WINNIPEG – 45-year old Jason Kingsley sits in his home wondering when he’ll feel like the grown-up in the room. Kingsley admits that he can vote, buy beer, and rent a car but that’s only b…
