Abbotsford, BC – What’s the secret to a long and healthy life? According to those currently being hunted by hungry lions, the trick is running as fast as you possibly can. “Just don’t stop running, no...
Pathetic! Leafs fans that’ve been told to ‘win a round’ for 19 years actually celebrate winning a round
TORONTO – The hockey community was united in its disgust at Toronto Maple Leafs fans this weekend for celebrating boisterously after Toronto finally broke a 19 year playoff losing streak. “...
Stevia sales plummet as scientists roll out sugar substitute derived from sweet revenge
WATERLOO, ON ― As low-carb diets grow increasingly popular, a new calorie-free sweetener that passed safety testing this week promises to take the nutrition world by storm. “This is a big step. Yes, ...
Hockey fans mourn loss of their only joke
TORONTO – The hockey community is devastated at the loss of their only joke with the Toronto Maple Leafs having advanced out of the NHL’s first round of playoffs for the first time since 2004. N...
Leafs fan not going to shut up about this for the next 19 years
TORONTO – Early reports indicate that local Toronto Maple Leafs fan Edward Bookham won’t shut up about his team’s playoff series victory over the Tampa Bay Lightning for the next 19 ...
Scab taxpayers audit themselves
OTTAWA – 35,000 Canada Revenue Agency workers remain on strike this week as part of a larger strike of over 100,000 Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC) workers, and enterprising citizens ar...
Leafs really excited to fuck this all up spectacularly
TORONTO – Still reeling off their astonishing come-from-behind win in Game Four against Tampa Bay, the Toronto Maple Leafs are showing renewed enthusiasm for the inevitable and complete collapse they ...
Calgary tackles housing crisis by spending $867 million on new home for the Flames
CALGARY – As an increasing number of Calgarians struggle to find affordable housing, the City of Calgary has teamed up with the province of Alberta to spend $867 million to build one very specia...
Where are they now? Volleyball from Castaway deflated version of former self
LOS ANGELES – After climbing to great heights as Tom Hanks’ co-star, the volleyball from Castaway is a deflated version of his former self. Prior to getting the role in Castaway, Wilson, as he i...
Driver causing 15 minute traffic delay by parking in middle of road put flashers on so it’s totally fine
TORONTO – Drivers stuck behind a car that inexplicably stopped in the middle of the road on a street with only 1 lane in each direction were about to be very mad until they saw that the offendin...
