Scab taxpayers audit themselves - The Beaverton

Scab taxpayers audit themselves

OTTAWA – 35,000 Revenue Agency workers remain on this week as part of a larger strike of over 100,000 Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC) workers, and enterprising citizens are doing their part to ensure government work continues despite the job action by conducting audits upon themselves.

“I don’t like being audited, but I like unions even less,” said Kevin Anderson, an executive at a large multinational chain restaurant. “If I can help break this strike by carefully going through my records and flagging all of the illegal tax deductions I’ve taken for the last ten years, it’s a small price to pay. A small price figuratively, because if these numbers are right I owe a huge amount in back

While polls show that most Canadians support the striking workers in their demands for pay that keeps up with inflation and better working conditions, there is a small minority who not only don’t support the striking workers, but are willing to take on their duties out of pure spite.

“Why should some lazy jerk who already gets a cushy government paycheque be allowed to demand even more?” said self-auditor Jason Pierce, a grocery store employee in Saskatoon. “Going through my own paycheques during this audit has shown me how much my employers have taken advantage of me by stealing my overtime and even making me pay for my own safety equipment, and you don’t see me complaining about it.”

“Maybe if enough people like me conduct our own audits, the government will realize it can fire some of these CRA union fatcats, and pass the savings on to taxpayers. I could really use it, I work so hard and make so little.”

At press time, several wealthy self-auditors had uncovered that they were knowingly hiding massive amounts of in a web of foreign tax shelters and were relieved to discover that, strike or no strike, the government of Canada doesn’t really care.