STUDIO CITY, CA – Following a magical nocturnal adventure guided by three homosexual Christmas spirits, the president and CEO of Hallmark Cards Inc has publicly apologized for caving into r…
Public scandalized by city councillor’s request to be paid as much as camp counselor
OTTER LAKES, B.C. – After a city councillor in the small but growing B.C. community of Otter Lakes (pop. 100000) asked to be paid the same full-time salary as the town’s summer camp counsel…
Vancouver millionaires rally to support spinning chandelier
VANCOUVER – In response to a widening controversy over the installation of a $4.8-million spinning chandelier under a bridge while the city is experiencing a homelessness crisis, Vancouver …
“Might as well, I’m on vacation,” says local man as he drinks from puddle of radioactive waste
PICKERING, ON – Onlookers watched in fascination and horror today as Alexander Landau, a fifth grade teacher from Saskatoon, drank radioactive liquid from a puddle near Canada’s oldest nucl…
Liberals deny newly created ministry is just political sloganism, says Minister of Getting ‘Er Done has clear mandate
OTTAWA – Despite the controversy surrounding its creation, the Liberals are adamant that a new ministry devoted to getting ‘er done is necessary and not a cynical and transparent attempt to…
Scientists admit current estimates of how old the universe is are based entirely on how many CDs it owns
GENEVA – A bombshell paper recently published in the Journal of Astrophysics about the age of the universe has revealed that all current estimates are based entirely on the size and composi…
Last green leaf patiently awaits death
VANCOUVER – After weeks of watching all of its brethren slowly expire around it, the last green leaf still alive in the province of B.C. is stoically preparing for its own imminent death. “…
Scheer: If you wanted to know my real views on homosexuality, you should’ve made me Prime Minister
OTTAWA – After being asked by a reporter if he views homosexuality as a sin, Conservative leader Andrew Scheer made it clear that the only way Canadians are going to find out his true belie…
B.C. exits from Wexit with BCexitwexit
VICTORIA – The province of B.C. would like prairie separatists to please desist from calling their sovereignty movement Wexit (Western Canada Exit) and are hoping to drive this point home i…
I saw 20 minutes of Iron Man 2 and I’ve thrown up every day since – By Martin Scorsese
Much has been made of my comments regarding Marvel movies and what I believe should be their place in cinematic history, so I’d like to clarify for the record: I have not stopped vomiting since t…
