OTTER LAKES, B.C. – After a city councillor in the small but growing B.C. community of Otter Lakes (pop. 100000) asked to be paid the same full-time salary as the town’s summer camp counselors, most citizens expressed vehement opposition to the proposal.
“Why would we pay city councillors full-time salaries? It’s not like they’re doing something important, like teaching my kid archery,” said Pete Jamison, a local store owner. “If they want real salaries, they should be doing real jobs. Anyone can be a city councillor. I could. I wouldn’t, because I hear the pay is shit, but I could.”
The proposal, put forth by Councillor Dana Murray between the shifts at Starbucks she works to supplement her salary from the city so she can afford both her house and children, was not only met with anger and derision from the public, but from her fellow councillors.
“Why would we want or need full salaries? This gig is great as is,” said part-time councillor and full-time trust fund recipient Kyra Osborn. “I come in for a couple hours a few days a week, hear some motions, bang out a couple bylaws about… what was it today? Decreasing the allowable amount of lead in the drinking water? Or increasing it? I don’t know, I don’t get paid enough to pay attention. Anyway, then we all go out for margaritas!”
“Being a city councillor is a fabulous hobby, but if we were paid to work for the municipal government full time, we’d actually have to, you know, work for the municipal government. Full time! That sounds horrible.”
Local camp counselors were also opposed to the measure, as they enjoy lording their relatively princely salaries over the city councillors at the always contentious and often violent annual Otter Lakes summer picnic.