EDMONTON – The Alberta Emergency Alert system sent Albertans several phone alerts in rapid succession today, as part of a stress test in-case Danielle Smith wins re-election in May. “Many Albert…
Report: Red Deer the Boston Pizza of cities
RED DEER – An extensive investigation by the United Nations has concluded that, among all of Canada’s cities, Red Deer, Alberta is the one that most resembles the country’s iconically mediocre ch…
Bigshot winter market vendor sells over four wooden doodads
SCARBOROUGH – Sellers and customers at the Scarborough Winter Market were blown away after long-time vendor Tyler Shen sold nearly half a dozen wooden doohickeys in a single day. “When I saw his …
Sex playlist a little heavy on the banjo
REGINA – According to sexually frustrated sources, Charlie Walker is facing criticism for trying to set a romantic mood with an excess of banjo music. “Look, I get it, the right twanging chord ca…
Danielle Smith warns that Justin Trudeau’s reckless politics will get 400 million Albertans fired
EDMONTON – Premier Danielle Smith has warned that Ottawa’s upcoming Just Transition bill will cost hundreds of millions of Albertans their jobs in the oil and gas industry. “After a federal memo …
Gift certificate squandered
CALGARY – Frank Benton has wasted the $150 Best Buy gift card his parents gave him for Christmas, despite spending weeks carefully thinking about how to use it. Local sources report that Benton h…
Baby smells weird again
CALGARY — According to local sources, the Weaver family baby is smelling suspicious again after a brief period of olfactory normality. “Well, it’s not the diaper,” said Michael Weaver, after tak…
New toonie honours Queen Elizabeth II and the polar bear that ate her
OTTAWA – The Royal Canadian Mint has announced a black ringed two-dollar coin featuring the 96-year-old Queen on one side, and the polar bear that killed and devoured her on the other. “As many C…
Living History: Grandma exchanged letters with John Diefenbaker where he talks about his “Dief Beef”
PRINCE ALBERT – According to local historians, 98-year-old Dorothy Lamb exchanged letters with Prime Minister Diefenbaker they describe as “thoughtful,” “nuanced,” and “almost impossibly horny.” …
Amateur magician pulls most of rabbit out of hat
EDMONTON – Rookie magician Marty Merlin has shocked and amazed onlookers at Trevor White’s ninth birthday party by removing most of a rabbit from his top hat. “Behold, Peter the Third in all his …
