EDMONTON – The Alberta government has announced its intention to opt out of Ottawa’s proposed public pharmacare program, curtail renewable energy projects, and “ditch the elitist wheel in favour …
Canada to honour Brian Mulroney with week of raised GST rate
OTTAWA – In response to the death of Brian Mulroney, Canada’s 18th Prime Minister, the government has announced the nation’s GST will be doubled for one week. “The flags will go down, and the ta…
Dog wearing Raptors jersey doesn’t even know what any players smell like
TORONTO – Hardcore Raptors fans have had it and are calling out Glenn, a young English bulldog, for his phoney basketball fandom. “Glenn is such a poser,” said superfan Colin Ford. “He owns three…
International Court of Justice rules that Israel must bomb civilians more humanely
THE HAGUE – In a preliminary ruling on South Africa v. Israel, the International Court of Justice has decreed that Israel must bomb civilians in the Gaza Strip with more care and compassion. “Wh…
Man uses remainder of year’s health benefits on half-a-dozen vasectomies
VICTORIA – Management consultant Howard Bear is using up the remainder of his yearly workplace medical benefits at his local vasectomy clinic, according to local sources. “I don’t really enjoy ac…
Poe scholars uncover early “The Pita Pit and the Pendulum” draft
KINGSTON – Queen’s University scholars have announced the discovery of a preliminary draft of Edgar Allen Poe’s famous “The Pit and the Pendulum” set in Canada’s famous quick-service pita c…
Man intent on reading 50 books this year really ploughing through the Goosebumps
CALGARY – According to friends and family, 37-year-old Jason Rowe is absolutely churning through Goosebumps books in a desperate attempt to hit his 2023 reading goal. “I told him 50 books was too…
“I’m worried about how much you’ve been sleeping,” says concerned Santa
OTTAWA – According to local sources, Santa Claus has reached out to 33-year-old receptionist Stephanie Bauer after noticing she’s slept right through the last several weekends. “Ho, ho, ho! You d…
“Well, that’s not how they do it in Winnipeg,” says man who just returned from Winnipeg
TORONTO – After a recent weekend spent in far-flung Winnipeg, Gerald Skinner is regaling friends and family with tales of life in the exotic international city. “A chicken finger, you say? Intere…
5 Canadians in the NFL who might get to touch the football this year if they’re really good boys
Another NFL season is in full swing, and from handing players water bottles to losing rent money on ill-advised bets, Canadians are making an impact on the game. But did you know that some Canadi…
