“All pandemic long you’ve been whining about how you’re so bored or you’ve ‘finished Netflix,’” said Ford during his COVID update. “Well good news, now you get to spend 5 to 6 hours a day on the various provincial, regional, municipal and university run websites in order to keep you and your family alive.”
“Who needs Tiger King now?” he added.
Rather than have one centralized hub where people can go to find out when they can get a vaccine, the Ford government has created a hodgepodge network of different ways to register so as to eat up the hours in the day bored Ontarians are currently spending watching tv, masturbating or tweeting about how badly the provincial government has fucked up our COVID response.
“It also helps improve our social life. Zoom calls, texts and facetimes are at an all time high as people trade rumours about how and where to get a vaccine,” said Christine Elliott.
“This is great,” said Ancaster resident Anita Desmond as she moved between her 48 open vaccination registration tabs. “Between this and the hours I spend in a panic that my parents are going to die, the days just fly by.”
At press time a lot of people were getting vaccinated by just showing up to pharmacies at the end of the day and asking if they had any left over. Seriously. Look into it.