CALGARY – Sources report that the Royal Pizzeria in Northwest Calgary has redesigned its website to only be 18 years behind modern design trends instead of a full 26 years out of date. “Wow, that…
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Toxic Actions of Toxic Coach of Toxic Sport in Toxic League exposed by Toxic Host of Toxic Podcast on Toxic Website
COLUMBUS – Sports media was buzzing yesterday as Mike Babock, who has a reputation for doing incredibly toxic things in his role as a hockey coach, resigned following allegations of more pr…
Google Watch gives up on recommending exercise, maps route to Arby’s
ETOBICOKE – Tired of trying to motivate its owner, a frustrated Google Pixel Watch has given up on displaying its many health-related apps and is now solely showing routes to the nearest ArbyR…
“Sit the fuck down, you miserable little cretins” begins Air Canada apology statement
MONTREAL – Air Canada has issued a statement on its latest scandal, calling the complainants “a bunch of pasty-faced fucks” who “couldn’t board a plane if it was parked up their own assholes” as …
Pretending to be flight attendant closest Poilievre has been to having a real job
QUEBEC CITY – Career politician Pierre Poilievre, excited a handful of members of a captive audience with an impromptu in-flight announcement as though he were a member of the flight crew, …
Sens fan confident that his bold predictions of success won’t make him look like a complete idiot this year
OTTAWA – Local Senators fan Morgan Horowitz is pretty sure that his confident proclamations that this is the year the Senators achieve team success won’t make him look like an absolut…
10 most controversial policies passed at the Conservative Party convention
At their annual party convention this past weekend the Conservative base attempted to defuse Liberal arguments that the party is too far to the right for the average Canadian voter by passing a b…
“You fucks aren’t wearing a wire are you?” The Beaverton interview with Doug Ford
We sat down with Ontario Premier Doug Ford to discuss the Greenbelt scandal and how he plans to fix his damaged reputation. Premier Ford thank you for agreeing to this interview. “Yeah let&…
Country with massive housing shortage not sure what to do with all these empty office buildings
OTTAWA – As employees continue to express their desire to work from home, owners of downtown office buildings aren’t sure what they will do with all this unused space. Also in unrelat…
Justin Trudeau and 10 other Marxists you should know
Pierre Poilievre has labelled Justin Trudeau (and his father) “Marxists”, a term used to describe people that adhere to the economic and political philosophies of Karl Marx, namely th…