WASHINGTON D.C. – Hours after heroically declaring a pause on tariffs aimed at destroying the Canadian economy, President Trump has organized yet another military parade for himself to commend his flip-flopping.
“It takes tremendous courage to announce unilateral tariffs out of the blue, then forget about them for a month, and then at the last minute pause them for 3 days so that I can better manipulate the stock market this coming Friday,” proclaimed Trump while hundreds of tanks and non-fat service men marched past the White House.
“Many said this scale of pussying out could never be accomplished by any president, but I have done it, because I am me. Thank you for your attention to this matter!”
Later, while pinning a Presidential Medal of Freedom on himself, President Trump quietly asked a nearby aide “which country is Canada again?”
In a related story, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney is still unsure how he could smell Trump’s full adult diaper during their last minute Tuesday evening phone call.
