Yarker, ON – This week, the Ontario cellular emergency alert system successfully located a missing child at the unfortunate expense of office worker Peter Jenkins, who suffered a brief inte…
Tag: Netflix
Netflix greenlights reboot of 64,000-year-old cave painting
LOS GATOS, CA – Following the success of reboots/sequels like Fuller House, Gilmore Girls and Lost In Space, Netflix is now looking at humanity’s oldest artistic endeavor as a fresh yet pal…
Man who wasn’t going to leave the house anyway complains about weather
NEWMARKET – Local resident Ed Sanford has apparently seen fit to complain loudly to anyone who will listen about the foul weather outside, despite never having had any pretensions of going out an…
Study reveals ratio of “Netflix” to “chilling” at all time low
TORONTO – Shattering the expectation of internet memes everywhere, new research out of the University of Toronto indicates that full incidents of Netflix and chilling combined are at histor…
Riverdale Recap: I stopped watching but here’s what I’m pretty sure is happening
As an avid reader of Archie comics, when The CW announced that they were making a film-noir, sexy teen version of the show, I was waiting with breath that was baited. As the first season came to …
Process of choosing which movie to watch on Netflix enters third day
Belleville, Ontario – Sources report that local couple Christine Peters and Joshua Cartwright have been scrolling through Netflix, trying to settle on a movie to watch since Friday night. &…
After unveiling streaming film service Toronto public library now valued at $9.2 billion
TORONTO – Only a month after unveiling their well received streaming film service, the Toronto Public Library has been valued at just under $10,000,000,000.00 “With Netflix, Hulu, Ama…
Netflix to revive family-favourite Grandma
LOS ANGELES (AP) – Following the successful revivals of Fuller House, Gilmore Girls, and Arrested Development, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will be resurrecting your dead grandmother. “Nosta…
How to baby proof your home using birth control
For many new parents, one of the biggest stresses of bringing home their little bundle of joy is making sure that their home is safe. The home is a nightmare of hazards, from knives, to bathtubs,…
Netflix announces retro TV series consisting entirely of scrambled porn
LOS ANGELES – With nostalgic hits such as Stranger Things, Gilmore Girls, and Fuller House, the streaming giant Netflix has greenlit another 80’s and 90’s inspired series made of nothing but scra…
