TORONTO – Despite election day being only a few days away, local man Steven Del Duca says he hasn’t really given it much thought. “Oh right there’s an election happening s…
Tag: Featured Post
City of Nanaimo desperate to be known by something other than bar
NANAIMO, BC — The City of Nanaimo admitted today that despite being the place where its near 100,000 residents call their home, live their lives, and dream their dreams, those accomplishments pal…
Escape room owners trapped by own business decisions
VANCOUVER – Business owners Diane Blatford and Tom Slodder are reportedly feeling trapped by their decision to open an escape room. The duo opened No Way Out in March 2020, shortly before strict …
Countries outside U.S. mark another day without action movies, violent video games or mental illness
LONDON – The countries of the world (except America) enjoyed another day without a mass shooting, a fact entirely attributable to the reality that nowhere but the U.S.A. do people watch act…
Touch typing nears irrelevancy as speech-to-text technology proves flawless—new paragraph
Speech-to-text (STT) programs have made great strides in recent years, to the extent of making touch typing irrelevant. STT has vast applications for many demographics comma from university stude…
Republicans relieved no fetuses killed in Texas school shooting
Uvalde, TX – A wave of relief washed over the Republican party today as they learned no fetuses were harmed in yesterday’s shootings at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas. “Thank God,”…
Flames head coach starting to think team should cover this McDavid guy
EDMONTON – Ahead of Game 4 Calgary Flames head coach Darryl Sutter unveiled a secret plan to actually play defense against Oilers forward Connor McDavid. “Our strategy of just letting…
Bagged milk distributor begins attaching “bag titty”
QUEBEC – After receiving thousands of complaints related to pouring issues, bagged milk distributor Saputo has begun attaching a nipple to milk bags for increased dispensing control. The dairy gi…
What are the odds? Marmaduke and Garfield both up to some real bullshit today
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, the shenanigans occurring on the comics page of the morning newspaper are completely out of control. “I sat down to have my coffee and the very first thin…
BMW, Tesla remain deadlocked in battle for rich asshole market
L.A. – Consumer reports indicate that BMW and Tesla are still the top vehicle choices for wealthy pieces of shit. “BMW has historically dominated the trust fund douchebag demographic,” said…
