Tories running out of voters to alienate
WATERLOO, ON — With only a week left before the election, Stephen Harper’s Conservatives are trying hard to find new voters and alienate them with their statements and policies filled with …
Dozens of Disney employees set free during latest release from the Vault
BURBANK, CA – More than 40 Disney employees who had been declared missing since Feb. 10. were discovered today during the Diamond Edition re-release of Aladdin, having been trapped in the D…
If the dinosaurs had been armed, they wouldn’t be extinct right now
BY DR. BEN CARSON, U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE For the past few years, the Second Amendment rights of all U.S. citizens have been under attack by gun control lobbyists, who would see America stri…
Panicked husband realizes turkey pan has been soaking since last Thanksgiving
BRANDON, MA – As his family prepared for this weekend’s thanksgiving festivities local man Stephen Island realized that he had left the pan they use to cook the turkey every year sitting in…
Montreal to dump entire editorial staff of MTLBlog into the St Lawrence
Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre made a dramatic announcement today outlining his controversial plan to dump the entire editorial staff of MTLBlog, along with thousands of its most inane listicles an…
Meet the 23 year-old PMO staffer who denied all of the Syrian refugees into Canada
OTTAWA — In a small office located within the bowels of Stephen Harper’s PMO sits a young man responsible for halting all Syrian refugee applications. When he’s not busy wiretapping Justin …
Gilles Duceppe calls on other party leaders to give him fifteen dollars
QUEBEC CITY – Building on his reputation as a wild-card wiling to call out the other candidates on issues where they share the same biases, Bloc Québécois leader Gilles Duceppe has demanded…
Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought
TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…
Elections Canada recommends voters spend 5 minutes screaming into pillow each day
OTTAWA – As the nation enters the federal election home stretch, Elections Canada now suggests that any and all prospective voters take a few minutes each day to scream as long and loud as …
Elections Canada announces new Yukon voting station teetering on Mount Logan’s Summit
HAINES JUNCTION, YUKON — In response to a voting card mix-up that required some 300 Yukon voters to travel nearly 600 kilometers to vote, Elections Canada has fixed the problem by moving th…
