Local actor lands dream gig as shift supervisor
TORONTO – In what she is calling ‘the opportunity of a lifetime’, local actor Cassidy Ambrose has been asked to play the role of an employee who has twice as much responsibility, and makes …
Conservative Party Leadership Profile: Brad Trost
Name Brad Trost Background While his precise birth date is unknown, archaeologists have determined Trost was born sometime around 1095 AD at the beginning of the Crusades. He studied geophysics a…
Homegrown Canadian racists determined to compete with flashier American racists
OTTAWA – Following the events of the US election, Canada’s homegrown and indie racists are determined to not have their hateful efforts overshadowed by the behemoth to the south. “People ar…
Nation’s evil twins shave goatees
OTTAWA – Realizing they could finally become unstoppable, evil twins from coast-to-coast have shaved their once tell-tale goatees, making them completely indistinguishable from their loveab…
You just said something unintentionally racist. Can you get out of it?
You’re not a racist (we assume). But you just said something that you realize came across super racist. Are you able to use your wits and guile to erase the social damage this will cause yo…
Report: Looks like that monk wasn’t the cool, fighting kind
HALIFAX – Witnesses to the brutal street beatdown of a monk say that, if they weren’t sure before they certainly were now, he almost definitely doesn’t know any sort of martial art. “Oh cra…
Facebook introduces ‘Life Achievement Filter’ to block friends’ happiness
PALO ALTO – Facebook has announced a new setting that will keep user’s timelines free of friends’ posts regarding engagements, promotions, and trips to the gym. “We know what our users want…
Trump strategist Bannon claims anti-semitism charges against him are just a global Zionist conspiracy
WASHINGTON, D.C. – After being appointed President-elect Trump’s chief advisor, equal in power to the chief of staff, Breitbart News chairman Steve Bannon is claiming that the anti-semitism…
5 war atrocities only 90s kids remember
In this Beavfeed segment Emma and Miguel take 90s kids back to their glory days, when neon colours dominated the playgrounds, and ethnic cleansing was nearly as popular as the Spice Girls.…
Ottawa installs warning signs for drivers in middle of bike paths
OTTAWA – In an effort to make motorists more aware of new segregated bike lanes, the City of Ottawa has installed large warning signs in the middle of bike lanes at each intersection and at…
