Aviation museum recalls Canada’s fighter jets from ISIS conflict
OTTAWA – The national museum dedicated to the historic study of Canadian flight has recalled six CF-18s that were being used in the fight against the Islamic State. “We were happy to loan t…
Judgmental look from passerby convinces man to be better parent
WINNIPEG – Lives were changed at the Portage Place Shopping Centre this morning as a smug and condescending look from local woman Lydia Nost convinced up-til-then neglectful father Jason Mo…
CanCon laws force last hour of Super Bowl broadcast to be replaced with 1997 Grey Cup
TORONTO – The CRTC has announced that the Canadian radio and television broadcast of Super Bowl 50 will violate minimum Canadian content (or CanCon) rules and, therefore, they have no choice but …
Martin Shkreli unable to resist punching own face
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Pharmaceutical Company CEO and alleged securities fraudster Martin Skreli was unable to overcome to desire to punch himself repeatedly in his smirking, self-assure…
Don Cherry hospitalized after Cold-FX overdose
TORONTO – Sports personality and Canadian fashion icon Don Cherry has been hospitalized after overdosing on Cold-FX, a supplement said to prevent cold and flu infections that he has been th…
New prescription drug to treat side-effects of prescription drug costs
TORONTO — While many Canadians are finding it difficult to make ends meet with prescription drug costs, a pharmaceutical company has unveiled a new solution to their problems: Gougium. Goug…
Optimist sees polar ice caps as half full
Brandon, Manitoba – Noted bright-side looker Julie Chambers, 37, told reporters yesterday that she thinks it’s better to view the polar ice caps, which in recent years have been losing both…
Stephen Harper found chained to police station by caped vigilante David Suzuki
OTTAWA – Former Prime Minister and maniacal rejecter of the Kyoto Protocol Stephen Harper has kept a low profile since October, but was found early this morning chained to a police station …
CBC installs Schitt’s Creek advertisement behind nation’s eyelids
TORONTO – With the second season of Schitt’s Creek in full swing, the CBC has ramped up its promotion of the show to even greater levels, by holding open the eyelids of every Canadian and a…
‘Tryst,’ ‘Moonlight Dalliance’ and ‘You-Know-What’ top media’s preferred terms for rape
TORONTO – According to statistics compiled by media watchdog PressWatch.org, the most widely used terms in 2015 by media outlets describing rape charges and allegations were “Tryst”, “Moonlight D…
