Adorable despot turns 92
LONDON — Nestled comfortably in one of several fortified castles that she calls home, the Head of State of 18 nations and direct descendant of the iron-fisted Tudors noted that she was look…
Attorney General promises to release SIU report on Loku shooting as soon as cops finish rewriting it
TORONTO – Ontario attorney general Madeline Meilleur, who earlier this week told reporters she would not release the secret report explaining why Ontario’s police watchdog cleared a Toronto polic…
Costco offers discount on 50-pack of hepatitis A vaccines
PETERBOROUGH — Following the recall of a frozen berry blend potentially contaminated with hepatitis A, Costco is offering bulk packs of vaccines at a discounted price. The 50-pack of hepati…
Netflix reverses crackdown on geoblocking services after watching an episode of Mr. D
TORONTO – Netflix Canada announced they would stop going after IP blockers and other services that allow Canadians to access U.S. Netflix after their C.E.O. saw an episode of Mr. D. “For so…
Van Halen implicated in Panama Papers
PASADENA – As further details emerge from the Panama Papers leak, rock band Van Halen have now been linked to the scandal. In a statement, the International Consortium of Investigative Jour…
New Manitoba Premier gives victory speech from Costa Rican beachfront property
SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA — After a dramatic majority victory in today’s provincial election, Premier-elect Brian Pallister of Manitoba gave a moving acceptance speech from his tropical beachfr…
Hollywood Producers Association study proves Asians actually just an urban legend
CALIFORNIA – A recent study sponsored by the Hollywood Producers Association has confirmed the industry’s long suspected belief that so-called “Asian” human beings are nothing but an old w…
Local father regales family with stories of battles fought against telecommunications providers
KINGSTON — Late last night, local father Paul Mallory gathered his family by the fire to recount many illustrious battles fought against major telecommunications providers. Speaking to his …
9 majestic Canadian Parks ruined by lack of wifi
As beautiful and inspiring as these Canadian destinations are, they still don’t have access to wifi, which ruins the entire experience. G’waii Haanas National Park flickr.com / Sam Beebe Located …
Trudeau says he is ‘proud to be a feminist arms dealer’
OTTAWA – Earlier today, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau reaffirmed his support for feminism, and for making billions of dollars in the sales of military supplies to despotic regimes, in an ho…
