Local woman loses holiday weight just in time for world to end
GUELPH – Through counting points, exercising and an astounding variety of vegetable-based pasta substitutes, Christine Newman finally lost her holiday weight just in time for the world to i…
Season pass to Whistler/Blackcomb discounted to blood sacrifice, eternal damnation, 12 white rhino horns
Whistler, BC — In a bid to make their ski hill more accessible, Whistler/Blackcomb has decided to lower the price of their season pass from three kidneys, four virgins, and the head of a we…
Northwestel study determines it has the fastest, only internet in Canada’s North
WHITEHORSE – A Northwestel study has confirmed that the only internet company serving Canada’s population North of 60 also provides the fastest internet in Canada’s North by comparison. The…
Kellie Leitch’s campaign manager resigns after scoring 6% on Canadian Values Test
OTTAWA – Nick Kouvalis, campaign manager for Kellie Leitch’s Conservative leadership bid, has resigned after receiving a failing grade on the candidate’s signature “Canadian Values Test”. “…
How To: Make An Instructional Video
How does one create edutainment for the internet anyway?…
America regrets using Monkey’s Paw to wish for a proactive president
UNITED STATES – Despite the cryptic warning given by the one-eyed shopkeep, several months ago The United States used a monkey’s paw to wish for a proactive president, a wish they now regre…
Australia PM to Trump: “We’re the racist ones mate”
SYDNEY – A would be friendly phone conversation between United States President Donald Trump and Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull ended abruptly over the weekend after Turnbull in…
Tim Hortons employees completely unaware of what’s on menu
BURLINGTON, ON – Several customers were forced to leave a Tim Hortons hungry yesterday after staff of the coffee shop admitted that none of them had any idea what was on the menu. Like many…
The Beaverton launches crowdfunding campaign to finance investigative report on why Ezra Levant is such a fuckface
Dear Readers, What the fuck is wrong with Ezra Levant? After the terrorist attack on a Quebec City mosque resulted in the arrest of a lone gunman, Alexandre Bissonette – a noted white natio…
Groundhog predicts there are only 9 springs left
BREAKING: The Groundhog Day winter prediction got a little weird…
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