Concrete sarcophagus where they buried Diefenbaker starting to crack
UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, SK – Only a few short decades after the spellbinding speaker and prairie populist’s alleged death, scientists monitoring the concrete sarcophagus of John Diefenbaker w…
The new Ghostbusters movie DID destroy my childhood, but it may have been an unrelated hex
By Matt Rolfe The new Ghostbusters movie that NO ONE asked for from Paul Feig and his crew of feminista SJWs has arrived, and my childhood has been absolutely ruined! Not only did I predictably h…
Man wearing all black at night coolest person ever hit by car
VANCOUVER – After being struck by a vehicle while walking downtown in an all-black ensemble, local man Luke Dresler has been declared the coolest person ever run over by a mid-size sedan. “…
Vancouver sets empty house tax to 10,000 Yuan
VANCOUVER – Shortly after the BC government yielded to Vancouver mayor Gregor Robertson’s call for a vacant home tax, the city agreed on an annual charge of ¥10,000. “Houses are…
Tony Clement launches campaign from steps of very nice gazebo
Orrville, ON — Former federal and provincial cabinet minister Tony Clement has announced his bid to lead the Conservative Party of Canada from one of his favourite gazebos. “I have the expe…
Canada changes official lyrics to O Canada to include line ‘Fuck you, the Tenors’
OTTAWA – Following a controversial performance by The Tenors at the MLB All-Star Game, in which singer Remigio Pereira inserted the phrase “All Lives Matter” into the Canadian national anth…
Bernie Sanders hammers against locked cellar doors while impostor endorses Clinton
Portsmouth, NH – Early reports have indicated that the individual who many believed was Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders was, in fact, a cleverly disguised Clinton aide while the real Be…
Vancouver City Hall to be turned into Cactus Club
VANCOUVER – In a somewhat surprising move, the city of Vancouver announced that they plan on turning City Hall into a new location for the popular restaurant chain Cactus Club. When asked w…
Parents hope guitar lessons will get son laid soon
EDMONTON – Parents of 17-year-old Matthew Hendrickson have enrolled him in guitar lessons in the hope that a rudimentary understanding of the instrument will allow him to finally lose his v…
Public Service Pay Centre accidentally pays employee $2.7 billion in provincial transfer payments
OTTAWA – After a series of clerical and accounting errors, the Public Service Pay Centre, Canada’s centralized payment facility for public servants, has accidentally compensated a federal e…