BREAKING: Banksy reveals Donald Trump has been art installation all along
LONDON – Renowned graffiti artist Banksy stunned the world this week when it was revealed that Donald Trump has been an elaborate, multi-media, site specific performance installation by the…
Political culture becoming dangerously polarized, says guy worse than Stalin
OTTAWA – Political discourse in the English-speaking world is becoming increasingly oppositional, says one researcher who is Hitler reborn, but this time with a bit of Pol-Pot and Saddam th…
ISIS claims responsibility after Saleem’s home-brewed IPA tastes like crap
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Just hours after Saleem cracked the first bottle of his home-brewed ‘Malternative Hop’ IPA, the international terrorist organization ISIS has claimed responsibility and pr…
Obituary section actually sponsored content
TORONTO – On closer inspection, the ‘In Memoriam’ section of a respected news site has turned out to be a piece of native advertising. “John William Stearns (b. 1943) was a loving father, w…
Men’s beach volleyball team say mandatory bikini uniform comfortable, supportive
The highly revealing uniform was first met with some resistance, but has now been completely embraced as far superior to the old tank-top and board shorts.…
Bro scientists confirm world ‘pretty gay’
WOODBRIDGE, ON – Highlighting humanity’s continued effect on the global environment, the World Institute for Bro Sciences has confirmed the long disputed theory that the world is, in fact, …
Yukon bar lists twelve beers on menu that are unavailable
WHITEHORSE – A local Yukon restaurant is featuring a dozen beers on its menu that are not available to anyone who visits their establishment. Menus at the True North Tavern list a variety o…
Loser kids trying to cash in on Netflix’s Stranger Things
Meaford, ON – A group of four hopeless geeks have begun to be more outspoken and confident, a behaviour their parents and classmates attribute to the release of the Netflix program Stranger…
Shirtless Stephen Harper photobombs Calgary couple’s wedding, 5 dead
CALGARY – Tragedy struck a Calgary wedding yesterday evening when five people were killed and a dozen injured after former prime minister Stephen Harper decided to make a candid, topless ap…
REPORT: Robots still decades away from perfectly mimicking human cruelty
WALTHAM, MA – Researchers at Boston Dynamics say science is still decades away from producing robots that can approximate the cruelty and malice of their human creators. “Even with the prev…