Mom’s cabin fleece merges irreversibly with body
MONT-TREMBLANT, QC — After a weekend spent skiing and drinking hot cocoa with her family at a cabin in the Laurentians, the last thing local mom Dawn Frick expected was to be melded permane…
Breaking: Trudeau loses only black friend
OTTAWA – Sources close to the PM say Justin Trudeau is heartbroken by Trump’s inauguration, as it means he will no longer be in close contact with his only “diverse” friend: U.S. President …
Mike Pence takes moment during VP oath to lecture Ruth Bader Ginsburg on length of her robes
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA – During the crowning moment of his political career, Vice President-elect Mike Pence decided to take a moment during his oath of office to explain why the length of Ru…
America opts for open-casket inauguration
WASHINGTON DC – As per America’s wishes, today’s presidential inauguration ceremony will be open-casket. Funeral Director Kellyanne Conway decided to have the public viewing so that the wor…
Trudeau investigated for vacation to the Kubla Khan’s private stately pleasure dome
OTTAWA – Just days after a media firestorm around his trip to the Aga Khan’s private island, an ethics investigation alleges Prime Minister Trudeau took a private helicopter to the Kubla Kh…
The Beaverton’s Inauguration Coverage
The Beaverton’s Marilla Wex reports live from Washington DC with breaking inauguration coverage. Up first, Donald Trump has interrupted the Arlington Wreath Laying Ceremony to plug his new…
Op-Ed by Kellie Leitch: “Oh no, I’m the Ben Carson, aren’t I?”
Oh, no. Oh god, I see what this is… Crap. All this time campaigning for the Conservative leadership, I was sure I was going to be seen as Canada’s Donald Trump. Particularly because I’ve be…
Quiz: Are you an introvert, an extrovert or that asshole Ted?
We have all asked this question a thousand times. Now find out what you really are with this test! Sources Bar Public speaking Fun Spare time Unwind Couple relaxing Introvert Extrovert Ted…
Local student unsure if he should say hi to nude prof at gym
LONDON – Western University student Arash Adari was forced to engage in brief but intensive deliberation yesterday afternoon on how to proceed after spotting his completely naked psychology profe…
Donald Trump to be sworn in by actor dressed like his father saying he’s proud of him
WASHINGTON – President-elect Donald Trump will make history this Friday, when he is both sworn in and assured he has made his father proud, by an actor portraying the late Fred Trump. “The …
