Just tell me what you want me to think and I’ll think it
By: Patrick Brown, Leader of the Progressive Conservative Party of Ontario Ugh, Mondays right? You wake up, pour yourself a nice cup of coffee, and sit down to write a tidy little missive promisi…
Woman’s personal brand revamped to appeal to 18-25 demographic
VANCOUVER—Representatives for Tracy Henderson have confirmed that 29-year old graphic designer’s personal brand will be undergoing an “exciting new evolution” to help it re-center it’s appeal wit…
Marriage on the rocks after argument over whether Golden Age of television has ended
HAMILTON – A recent argument between Ted and Susan Jameson over whether the golden age of television has indeed come to a close has led to concerns that their marriage may be in jeopardy. “Sure, …
Nestle accuses public of evil-shaming
VEVEY, SWITZERLAND – In a statement from Nestle headquarters, Chairman Peter Brabeck-Letmathe has accused the general public of discriminatory behaviour towards the corporation’s acts of pu…
Children shouldn’t be learning they have hoohoos and down-theres at such a young age
By PATRICK BROWN, LEADER OF THE PROGRESSIVE CONSERVATIVE PARTY OF ONTARIO The Wynne Liberals newest social experiment is teaching our innocent children about their hoohoos and down-theres when it…
All I want is to have a real conversation about rape without taking responsibility for my words or actions
By: Your Facebook Friend Hi all. I’ve been thinking about a subject that’s been in the news a lot lately: sexual assault. It might be a little touchy for some people, but that doesn’t mean we sho…
Scientists discover new, Earth-like planet for humanity to destroy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Researchers at NASA this week announced the discovery of a new, Earth-like planet orbiting the star closest to the sun, which they say possesses physical properties condu…
Man wearing sunglasses actually looking directly at you
TORONTO – Several reports have confirmed that the guy wearing dark sunglasses is absolutely looking directly at you right now. “I’m sure it only seems like he is staring at me,” you said li…
Ontario government reminds drought-striken province to conserve water for Nestlé
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne has cautioned Ontarians who live in the drought-stricken regions to refrain from wasting water so that it may be bottled and sold by Nestlé. The pro…
Trudeau sends every Canadian wallet photo of Catherine McKenna
OTTAWA – In a lauded continuation of transparent policy, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has mailed every Canadian citizen living both at home and abroad a wallet-sized print of Environment Ministe…
