OTTAWA – With his Conservative Party trailing the governing Liberals by double digits in recent opinion polling, a desperate Pierre Poilievre today announced his latest plan to boost his popular...
Trump notes that falling asleep onstage at 9/11 ceremony technically counts as moment of silence
ARLINGTON COUNTY, VA – Awakening briefly, President Trump addressed Americans assembled to pay their respects to the victims of the September 11th attacks, insisting that his mid-morning nap con...
Trump reminisces about how he single-handedly prevented 9/11 from ever happening
WASHINGTON, D.C. — US President Donald Trump waxed nostalgic about how he single-handedly prevented the September 11 terrorist attacks from ever happening. Trump told a group of supporters that, if it...
Local woman betrays family history by eating at different chain restaurant
Moncton, NB – A local family says they are looking for answers after their mother openly chose to eat at a different rotisserie chicken chain. Trudy Daly, 45 and mother of three, is accused of b...
Counter-Tariffs take effect as Canadians brace for life without American truck nutz
OTTAWA – With anti-American counter-tariffs taking effect as of September 8th, Canadians will be forced to make due without easy market access to their most-purchased American products, namely c...
Canada confirms defence strategy against invasion mainly waiting for Americans to die from preventable illnesses
OTTAWA – Last weekend, Canada’s Ministry of National Defence confirmed their main strategy to fend off a potential invasion from the United States is to wait for American forces to be kill...
Hilroy to remove additional province from map of Canada every year until demands met
MISSISSAUGA, ON – Earlier this week Canadians noticed that Hilroy had excluded Newfoundland and Cape Breton from the map of Canada on the cover of their latest notebooks. Today, the company confirmed ...
Hegseth pauses busy schedule of inspecting soldiers’ scrotums to make weird comments about Canadian teens’ bodies
WASHINGTON D.C. – Secretary of War Pete Hegseth has posted disparaging comments about female Canadian Air Force cadets, all while maintaining his busy schedule of personally inspecting the testi...
Come from Away sequel will see Newfoundlanders put the friggin’ boots to Pete Hoekstra
GANDER, NFLD – Controversial U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra’s announcement that he will head to Newfoundland as part of the delegation commemorating the 25th anniversary of 9/11 has inspired a sequel t...
Conservatives vow to get rid of Poilievre as soon as voters send some kind of sign they don’t like him
OTTAWA – Conservative members and officials are sticking by leader Pierre Poilievre for now, insisting they will only vote to remove him if the voters give indication they don’t like him. ...
