OTTAWA – After publishing an official statement on behalf of the Canadian government supporting the joint US-Israel bombings in Iran this morning, Prime Minister Carney was spotted happily putti...
“Pierre is the Conservative Party’s Justin Trudeau” reads tearful Poilievre in CPC men’s room
“I used to say Conservatives weren’t funny, but now I’m changing my mind. That’s a savage burn.” This week Ian and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Nile Séguin, and special guest...
Heated Rivalry fans unfamiliar with concept hockey players might be gross
TORONTO – Fans of the smash hit romance show Heated Rivalry, many of whom have also become fans of hockey, are expressing confusion at the discovery that the overwhelming majority of real life h...
Evil spirit inside Olympic stuffed animal now controls Nathan MacKinnon’s mortal soul
MILAN – After the devastating loss to Team USA in the men’s hockey gold medal game on Sunday afternoon, it would appear that CBC broadcast cameras at the 2026 Winter Olympic Games captured the very mo...
REPORT: Mark Carney calls Canadian Men’s Hockey locker room to offer consolation RRSP advice
MILAN – Following the leaking of locker room footage of the gold medal winning USA team receiving a call from US President Donald Trump with congratulations, footage has now come to light of Can...
Trump demands Canada give him all their Olympic medals
OTTAWA – Following the closing ceremonies of the 2026 Winter Olympics, Canada’s athletes received an unusual message from President of the United States Donald Trump, stating simply “Give ...
Nation returns to Heated Rivalry to watch Canadians get fucked in a good way
OTTAWA – Following a heartbreaking 2-1 loss to Team USA at the Winter Olympics, viewers nationwide started a rewatch of the hockey romance series, Heated Rivalry, in search of a more uplifting v...
Canada credits gold medal curling win to expert fingering
MILANO-CORTINA – With Canada’s mens team defeating Great Britain to clinch gold in the Winter Olympics, Canadian skip Brad Jacobs is crediting the victory to his team’s delicate, som...
Kevin O’Leary credits acting chops to years of convincing people he wasn’t driving the boat
LOS ANGELES, CA – Responding to widespread praise for his performance in the new film Marty Supreme, businessman and television personality Kevin O’Leary revealed that what critics are calling “...
Hockey Canada ordered to pay nation’s therapy bills
MILAN – After causing the nation 3 straight days of what can only be described as “holy shit, holy shit, I’m going to lose my god damn mind” levels of stress at the Olympics, t...
