VICTORIA – B.C. Conservative Party leader Kerry-Lynne Findlay has resigned in order to spend more time kicking members of her family out of the house. “I have been honoured to be the secon...
Trump vows to punish Canada for EU alliance as soon as he finishes losing Iran war
WASHINGTON D.C. – President Donald J. Trump has pledged to extract terrible, systematic revenge on all of Canada for daring to enter talks with the European Union, just as soon as he finishes lo...
Trump reduces White House Press Corps to Stephen Miller in a moustache, various podcasters
WASHINGTON D.C. – After banning press outlets including CNN, MS Now, and Politico, President Donald Trump has removed numerous other journalists, leaving only those he trusts to portray him in t...
Carney government promises upcoming “Operation Strike Destroyer” legislation won’t discourage future strikes
OTTAWA — After multiple labour sources warned that the Federal government would likely be issuing binding mediation legislation as early as next week, Mark Carney personally assured Canadians that eve...
Trump says Canada having more friends is bullying
WASHINGTON, D.C. – United States President Donald Trump has blasted Canada’s recent proposed alliance up to the European Union, insisting the new partnership is tantamount to picking on him pers...
Ed Sheeran welcomes new opening act: Beatboxing Netanyahu
LONDON — At a press conference today, singer Ed Sheeran announced that, despite all of his previously scheduled opening acts quitting over his firing Macklemore, his tour will continue as scheduled, w...
EU asks Canada to join in hopes they take some stuff Britain left at their office
BRUSSELS – A recent statement by the European Union has clarified that the bloc’s main interest in Canada becoming an Associate Member is to get them to take away some of the junk the United Kin...
Habs fans forced to replace burning effigy of Chris Kreider with regular effigy
Montreal, QC – In a surprising show of good faith, Montreal Canadiens fans removed their long-standing burning effigy of NHL forward Chris Kreider after it was announced that he would be joining the t...
Canada Investment Summit attendees enter raffle to win PEI
TORONTO – Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Canada Investment Summit, in which executives and global asset managers have gathered to discuss investing hundreds of trillions into Canada’s ...
Tech oligarchs agree calling AI “too dangerous” way cooler than just admitting it doesn’t work
SILICON VALLEY – The CEOs of OpenAI, Anthropic, and GrokAI have released a statement agreeing that claiming artificial intelligence “could potentially kill all humans” sounds much mo...
