CALGARY, AB ― After decades of analyzing report card data, Little League statistics, university drop out rates, and recordings of just fucking terrible violin etudes provided by the Royal Conservatory...
Critics slam measles reboot as another nostalgia-fuelled cash grab
CALGARY – The recent resurgence of measles across North America has drawn widespread criticism, with observers condemning the outbreak as yet another creatively-bankrupt nostalgia remake driven ...
NS budget shortfalls force Tim Houston to eliminate ocean
HALIFAX – After months of slashing provincial revenue, Nova Scotia Premier Tim Houston has announced that he has been forced to entirely cut the Atlantic Ocean from the province. Since winning r...
Carney says he supports US invading Iran, Cuba, and possibly Canada “with some regret”
“It’s a good thing that Trump is the most peaceful president in history who ends all wars, right?” This week host Clare Blackwood and the Panel (Megan MacKay, Nile Séguin, and specia...
Help! The cast of Mr. D won’t stop reuniting
Halifax, NS – The stars of beloved Canadian sitcom Mr. D reunited for some adorable pictures over the weekend, but fans and producers are begging them to stop. “We’re begging Gerry to promote Family F...
Trump assures Congress that Netanyahu has a plan for Iran invasion
WASHINGTON D.C. – Faced with criticism that he has no strategy or timeline for his sudden invasion of Iran, President Trump insisted to Congress that a plan does exist and that it has been draft...
Ben Mulroney accidentally shares video with fake footage of him being a respected media figure
TORONTO – Ben Mulroney, temporary host of Global News’ political affairs program The West Block and self-proclaimed “Not A Journalist,” recently accidentally shared a fake footage video of him b...
Max Scherzer re-signs with Blues Jays for chance to win, get even with guy who cut him off on DVP
DUNEDIN, FL – In an effort to address unresolved trauma from the 2025 season, veteran pitcher ‘Mad’ Max Scherzer announced he will re-sign with the Toronto Blue Jays to give himself another shot at wi...
Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to run red light
Calgary, Alberta – Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has once again invoked the notwithstanding clause, something meant for only the most dire times to pass legislation, to get around a small legal...
Analysis: Ayatollah’s death fails to deliver Trump his dead father’s approval
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following the confirmed death of Iran Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei in U.S.-led airstrikes, observers question whether Iran’s allies will retaliate, and also whether Pr...
