“Rational Alex Jones” reacts to having his kids taken away....
Local man postpones checkup with doctor to eat three-cheese panzerotti
HAMILTON, ON – After deliberating for several months on if he should schedule a much-needed physical, Jeff Turcott has decisively purchased a mouth-watering panzerotti instead. “I can make an appointm...
Local man has soul removed to make room for more opinions
Timmins, ON – After years on a wait list, local man Paul Sutton is safely recovering from the surgical removal of his soul, which has allowed him to hold over 70 more opinions. “There’s still so...
Ottawa Senators season ticket package to include free Leafs jersey
OTTAWA – Capitalizing on popular demand, the NHL’s Ottawa Senators announced this week that their upcoming season ticket package will include one free Toronto Maple Leafs jersey with the name an...
All I did was imply we should kill all liberals, and the left’s outrage machine is at it again
By NRA spokeswoman Dana Loesch Geez, here we go again. In classic fashion, all I do is near-explicitly call for violence against half of the country and now all the little leftist snowflakes are takin...
Local man enjoying summer romance with single pair of board shorts
Brampton, ON — According to sources, local man Dustin Rassmore is in the throes of a summer-long romance with his sole pair of summer bottoms, a pair of turquoise Hurley board shorts. 25-year-old Rass...
Nihilistic anti-abortion advocate believes life ends at conception
EDMONTON – The head of an emerging group of nihilistic anti-abortion activists has begun lobbying the government to outlaw abortions on the philosophy that we are all dead the second we are conceived....
Trump warns Mueller to stay away from Swiss bank account number 1176209
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A fiery Donald Trump has demanded that special investigator Robert Mueller not investigate any of his family’s financial deals, particularly the fraudulent ones involving Russ...
Conservative Party charters large bus for their Omar Khadr Outrage US Tour 2017
OMAHA, NE – A group of Conservative MPs have rented a charter bus to deliver their rhetorical performances to TV stations, newspapers, town halls, and anyone else willing to listen as part of th...
How To: Win Big At The Casino
The house doesn’t always win....
