HAMILTON, ON – After deliberating for several months on if he should schedule a much-needed physical, Jeff Turcott has decisively purchased a mouth-watering panzerotti instead.
“I can make an appointment anytime, but getting a giant piece of dough stuffed with cheese for 2 bucks off – that doesn’t happen every day” said the 33 year-old, whose lifestyle begs for the attention of a qualified doctor.
His last minute decision comes after months of reminders by his long-term girlfriend that he “please see a doctor” about his many ailments such as, sudden knee hurt, shooting pains in his left arm, and near-constant wet butt.
“I’m as healthy as a horse”, remarked Turcott, adding, “Plus this comes with this free marinara sauce. I can’t say no to that”.
Mr. Turcott’s family doctor was saddened to hear that his patient had forgone setting an appointment to instead, devour a football size piece of food, “Of course I’m worried. The last time I saw him he had just learned how to ride a bike. Something that I pray to God he’s still doing as a form of regular exercise.”
It is still unknown if Mr. Turcott plans to eventually set up a doctor’s appointment once he finishes his mozzarella, cheddar, and provolone panzo, but most analysts are predicting at least a 45-minute nap before doing anything.