The Beaverton

Chinese man sent back to China for repairs

SHENZEN, CHINA – After noticing behavioural malfunctions, a Vancouver family has sent back its father/husband unit, Lee Xiu, for repairs to a manufacturing plant in Shenzen, China. “Lee wor…


Heavy petting officially downgraded to first base

PARIS – In a long overdue move, the International Association for Getting It On has officially downgraded heavy petting to first base. The move reclassifies French Kissing as a sacrifice bu…


God can’t find publisher for latest book

HEAVEN – Over 3,000 years since the release of His worldwide bestseller The Bible, God, almighty creator of the universe, is finding it difficult to get His latest book published. “I’ve bee…


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