Ford administration okays tax hike to save city’s struggling video stores
TORONTO – Addressing growing concerns that video stores throughout the city are closing down amidst falling profits, Toronto mayor Rob Ford announced a new tax subsidy to help video-rental …
Local waste of a man to spend all afternoon thinking about morning
WINNIPEG – According to living room sources, unemployed Winnipeg resident and generally useless individual Andrew Rowley will spend the entire afternoon lying on his couch and reflecting up…
Twin brother to twin sister: ‘I think we should see other siblings’
ST. ALBERT, AB – Phillip Flansky, twin brother of Lillian Flansky, broke the news Wednesday to his twin sister that he wants to spend time with his other siblings. Coming from a family of 1…
Chinese man sent back to China for repairs
SHENZEN, CHINA – After noticing behavioural malfunctions, a Vancouver family has sent back its father/husband unit, Lee Xiu, for repairs to a manufacturing plant in Shenzen, China. “Lee wor…
Heavy petting officially downgraded to first base
PARIS – In a long overdue move, the International Association for Getting It On has officially downgraded heavy petting to first base. The move reclassifies French Kissing as a sacrifice bu…
God can’t find publisher for latest book
HEAVEN – Over 3,000 years since the release of His worldwide bestseller The Bible, God, almighty creator of the universe, is finding it difficult to get His latest book published. “I’ve bee…
