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Winnipeg’s ERs now requiring patients to bring their own beds

– Those seeking treatment at ’s ERs will now be required to bring their own hospital beds as a part of a new strategy to reduce wait times.

Officials from the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority made the announcement in the crowded Concordia Hospital waiting room.

“We are asking all patients to bring a hospital bed and any diagnostic equipment they may have, in addition to their health card,” explained Sean Hammond, spokesperson for the WRHA. “If you don’t have access to a gurney, a single mattress will be fine.”

Winnipeg has some of the longest in the country, but managers at the WRHA are confident that those seeking urgent medical treatment will do their part to pitch in.

“Oh, and if you have a care team or spare emergency room physician lying around at home, you should bring them too just as a precaution,” advised the official.

BREAKING: We wrote a fucking book