Customers pleasantly surprised to learn Subway chicken has 50% poultry DNA

TORONTO – Regular patrons of restaurant were ‘delighted’ by the results of a CBC Marketplace investigation released last week that revealed that some of the food chain’s sandwiches contained just 50% DNA.

“Half of it is chicken? Really? That’s amazing!” said graduate student Marissa Schlom, whose diet consists largely of Subway, instant and food truck poutine. “That’s way more than what I thought it would be.”

Although Subway spokesman Kevin Kane initially denied the allegations, he has since embraced them, citing the company’s aim to always ‘exceed customers’ expectations.’

At press time, seeking to capitalize on the news, updated its website with the information that its beef patties are also ‘50% chicken.’

Breaking News! The second season of our television show premieres November 1st on Comedy! To join our studio audience for free, reserve your seats here!