TORONTO – With the upcoming NBA season rapidly approaching, there is an air of excitement in Toronto as Raptors fans see their teaming having a real shot to do the unthinkable and finally walkin...
NHL threatens to move Canucks to Calgary if city doesn’t build new stadium
Calgary- After walking away from negotiations with the Calgary city council earlier this week the NHL has publicly threatened to move the Vancouver Canucks to Calgary if the city does not foot at leas...
Am I the only one currently rubbing cocoa butter on myself while listening to “Careless Whisper?”
By: CHRISTINE NEWMAN At first, staying in on Saturday night seemed like a boring time, a classic party for one. But to my surprise, after having a bath I ended up rubbing cocoa butter on myself while ...
Campus newspaper breaks week old news
KINGSTON, ON – After staying up all night, student journalist at The Sovereign Digest Victoria O’Reilly and her team felt confident that they could deliver a breaking news story that surfaced we...
God sick of shutting all these doors and opening all these fucking windows
Heaven – The omnipresent being that created all of existence is reportedly growing tired of shutting multiple doors for humans and then being expected to also open a corresponding window. “Life,...
Man appointed as head of Women’s Advisory Board promises he ‘has many women friends’
TORONTO – Catalyst Canada, a non-profit organisation whose mandate is to further the advancement of women in the workplace, has just replaced their former chair, human man, Bill Downe, with othe...
Rob Schneider and David Spade brought in to spice up Adam Sandler’s marriage
LOS ANGELES – Variety reported this morning that Adam Sandler’s marriage, a long-running project with actress Jacqueline Titone, may be getting a shakeup with the addition of Rob Schneider and D...
Study: Yes, you are too old to start learning karate
HAMILTON – After years of study, including extensive human trials and multiple data analysis models, a team of researchers at McMaster University have concluded that you are in fact to old to st...
James Woods decries liberals as “children”, immediately invites them on Vegas weekend
HOLLYWOOD, CA – After being subject to allegations of unsavoury conduct towards minors this week, actor and outspoken republican James Woods angrily took to twitter, dismissing his liberal detra...
Cassini spacecraft responds to self-destruct order with cryptic laugh
PASADENA – Experts at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory are stumped, and more than a little disturbed, by the cryptic laugh they received from the Cassini spacecraft in response to the self-des...
