ST. CATHARINES, ON. – In a tradition dating back centuries, a local family’s youngest daughter, Dana Black, has been gifted her first training bra, a moment which is immediately followed by…
”I’m living my best life,” says woman using hand cream on face
LONDON, ON – Local life coach, Evelyn Bell, 34, has proclaimed she is currently living her best life, no matter what others might think, even as she squeezes the last out of tube of hand cr…
STUDY: 9 out of 10 women would replace finger with never-ending ChapStick
GUELPH, ON – With the arrival of cold weather, a new study has determined that 9 out of 10 women would gladly remove one of their fingers to install a permanent, everlasting tube of ChapSti…
Woman on date chooses to ignore red flag of water served in old salsa jar
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Arriving at her date’s home on a dinner invitation, Cynthia Masterson, 22, has reportedly decided to ignore the first glaring red flag of being offered a glass of water o…
Point/Counterpoint: “There are plenty of fish in the sea” VS. “Actually, there AREN’T plenty of fish in the sea”
POINT: There are plenty of fish in the sea By Crystal Benjamin, best friend Hey, listen, I know it hurts. Right now you feel like you might never love again. But the truth is, there are plenty of…
Local man frozen in time after accidentally sexting mom
WELLINGTON, ON – After pressing send and immediately seizing in shock, local landscaper, Richard Blendell, 31, was found last Tuesday in his apartment, suspended in time and space having ac…
Man appointed as head of Women’s Advisory Board promises he ‘has many women friends’
TORONTO – Catalyst Canada, a non-profit organisation whose mandate is to further the advancement of women in the workplace, has just replaced their former chair, human man, Bill Downe, with…
Local toddler couldn’t give a shit how many times parents saved his life today
OAKVILLE, ON – Leaping off the armrest of a recliner and just barely being caught by his mother mid-air, inches away from making impact with the hardwood floor, local two-year-old Ben Marte…