TORONTO — The TTC has committed to have decals commemorating its 2017 ‘Transit System of the Year’ award displayed on vehicles no later than 2023. “We’re in close consultation with our supplier,...
Justin Trudeau UN speech hailed as ‘not Donald Trump’s UN speech’
NEW YORK CITY – Justin Trudeau once again shone on the international stage this afternoon after giving a speech to the UN General Assembly that critics and supporters agree was not Donald Trump’...
Local man frozen in time after accidentally sexting mom
WELLINGTON, ON – After pressing send and immediately seizing in shock, local landscaper, Richard Blendell, 31, was found last Tuesday in his apartment, suspended in time and space having acciden...
Report: Probably still time to run for leader of the NDP if you get paperwork in
OTTAWA — While voting has begun as of September 18, political strategists report that they’re pretty sure there is still time for you to run for leader of the NDP if you complete and hand in the neces...
Time for Hillary Clinton to move on, but not so much that I can’t project my impotent rage onto her
By Herbert Finderman With the release of her new book, What Happened, Hillary Clinton has shown once again that she is unwilling to do what Americans have wanted her to do for years: get out of politi...
Shocked Trans Mountain pipeline sees Justin Trudeau and environment holding hands in restaurant
OTTAWA – The Trans Mountain pipeline was shocked to discover Justin Trudeau on a date with the environment yesterday evening, after the Prime Minister had just hours earlier told it that he was ...
TTC announces fare hike to pay for more ‘best transit system’ decals
TORONTO – Still basking in the glow of winning best transit system in North America last year, the TTC has announced they will be raising adult fares from 3.25 to 3.50 in order to buy more decal...
Historic first: Phoenix pay system completes first payment for public servant without causing colossal fuck-up
OTTAWA – In what is being described as a historic first, IBM’s pay system for all of Canada’s public servants has successfully paid an employee the proper amount at the proper time without causi...
Washington Post reveals that Trump advisor Paul Manafort is just Vladimir Putin in disguise
Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre and Nour Hadidi) discuss the #Rocketman speech (2:00), detail why Donald Trump is like an embarrassing mom (5:30), pray for Mueller and his investigative team (9:00),...
Quebec man pretty sure hour-long explanation of Quiet Revolution will convince people he’s not racist
TORONTO – After being called out on charged comments made at a Toronto house party, Gatineau native Jean Tommelier is currently explaining the history of Quebec’s Quiet Revolution in an attempt ...
