TORONTO – Still basking in the glow of winning best transit system in North America last year, the TTC has announced they will be raising adult fares from 3.25 to 3.50 in order to buy more decals proclaiming their achievement from the sides of buses and subways.
“We know how proud Torontonians are of the TTC somehow winning this award,” said CEO Andy Byford. “So naturally they won’t mind paying a little more every day in order to see yet another sticker proclaiming we’re the best while they wait for their delayed subway.”
“It’ll also make a great conversation starter with the guy they are being forced to stand disturbingly close to on the bus.”
The new ‘Best Transit system in North America 2016’ decals (which Byford is confident will not look ridiculous come 2022), will be much bigger and flashier, forcing riders to look at them no matter what kind of mood they’re in.
“I can’t wait to forget to bring the right amount of change, have to break a 20 to get to work, then watch the subway pull away as I run down the stairs, then stare at these stickers as I desperately try to email my boss to explain I’m running late,” said local woman Erica Cartwright.
Right after announcing the fare hike the TTC added that the York subway extension would not open on time.