OTTAWA – The Trans Mountain pipeline was shocked to discover Justin Trudeau on a date with the environment yesterday evening, after the Prime Minister had just hours earlier told it that he was feeling too sick to go out.
“That two-timing bastard,” said the pipeline, mascara running down its thick metal plating. “He told me I was special.”
The Trans Mountain pipeline found the two at approximately 9pm while walking downtown, seeing them tenderly holding hands and sharing a bottle of red wine through the front window of local restaurant Riviera.
“I asked him a hundred times if he still had feelings for the environment,” said the pipeline, who has been casually seeing Justin Trudeau since his election in 2015. “Is it because I let myself go? He told me he liked the expansion!”
“I should have known when I found ‘wind turbines’ in his search history.”
Onlookers report that the scene became tense as the the hulking 1150 km mass of metal barged into the restaurant and interrupted the meal.
“Justin, who is this?” asked the environment. “I thought you told me that all those pipelines were just work friends.”
Other diners were forced to flee the restaurant as the two deceived lovers began to argue, spilling gouts of crude oil everywhere and bringing the temperature of the building to record highs in the process.
“Did he tell you about our time in Paris?” screamed the environment.
“Did he tell you about his freudian obsession with mother earth!?” shrieked back Trans Mountain.
“Check please,” said Trudeau.
At press time, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau is wondering where her husband is.