EDMONTON – In an effort to avoid Sex Ed curriculum they deem “problematic,” Alberta Catholic school superintendents have asked to develop their own sex education curriculum focused on shame, abs...
Adorable! This 8-year-old is fighting the government for his human rights!
Totes adorbs! 8-year-old Adam Ahmed has been fighting the Canadian government to remove his name from the no-fly list for two years, and it’s seriously the cutest! Two years ago, Ahmed was stopped at ...
Astronomers say moon will look ‘kinda fucked up’ tonight
OTTAWA—Professional and amateur astronomers will be watching the skies tonight, eager for a glimpse of a rare, sort of fucked up moon. “Tonight’s lunar event is caused by multiple converging factors. ...
College student concerned strike will affect his opportunity to become a temporary, part-time employee like his professors
OWEN SOUND, ON – A Georgian College student is worried that the ongoing strike at his post-secondary institution may affect his career as a short-term contract employee with few benefits like ma...
Local man replaces entire personality with things he’s heard on podcasts
EDMONTON – After years of constantly listening to podcasts and judiciously keeping himself from any real world experience, local man Jacob Spoots has replaced every facet of his personality with...
Japan green-lights “Gundam Seinfeld” as revenge for every shitty US anime remake
TOKYO – Earlier today the nation of Japan formally vocalized its displeasure after years of seeing countless beloved anime features ruined by Hollywood produced live-action remakes, and stated t...
Trudeau demonstrates support for middle class by wearing ‘two car garage’ socks
OTTAWA – Members of Canada’s embattled middle class say they feel “heard and supported” after Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was photographed wearing socks embroidered with two car garages earlier this...
Nerd alert! This huge dweeb just made $400,000 selling bitcoin
CANADA – Get ready to steal some lunch money everyone, because we’ve got a big-time loser on our hands. Ottawa nerd Carl Draden just made over $400,000 selling bitcoin. Could you get any more la...
Morneau vows to balance budget by turning Department of Finance into numbered shell company
OTTAWA – Minister of Finance Bill Morneau has announced that in order to increase efficiency and lower costs the Department of Finance will be transitioned to a shell company with a numbered tit...
‘I’m a pretty big deal on Twitter’ reports total knob
HALIFAX – Multiple sources have overheard Mark Griggs, who has recently been diagnosed as a complete and total douche, informing a tinder date that he is a very big deal on Twitter. “The great t...
