OTTAWA—Professional and amateur astronomers will be watching the skies tonight, eager for a glimpse of a rare, sort of fucked up moon.
“Tonight’s lunar event is caused by multiple converging factors. The moon is at a fucking weird angle in the sky, solar flare activity is fucking up the magnetosphere, and Jupiter is at its closest point, fucking just a little with Earth’s orbit,” explained Geoffrey Tannenbaum, president of the Royal Astronomical Society of Canada.
“Put all those things together and the moon will look, well,” Tannenbaum mimed grasping a sphere in front of his face and made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a grunt. “You just gotta see this fucking thing.”
The Astronomical Society website advises the public to wear protective eyewear if they plan to observe the moon tonight, as even brief exposure can really fuck up your eyes.
“Fucked up moons are brief, crucial windows to a better understanding of the solar system,” said Dr. Sofia Aydin, professor of astronomy at Carleton University. “They help us to answer important questions like what the fuck is up with the moon tonight? And, why is space so fucking weird?”
The moon is not expected to look fucked up like this again until March 2023.
In a related story, ichthyologists released video of this weird goddam fish they found.