Sephora launches new service where they break into your home and put makeup on you while you sleep
SAN FRANCISCO – Makeup retailer Sephora has introduced a new program where one of their employees will break into your home in the middle of the night and do your makeup for you while you s…
Emotionally unavailable boyfriend cries as sports legend retires
BROCKVILLE, ON – Reports this evening indicate that 27-year-old Dillon Carsaw, who up until now has shown little to no sign of emotional affection towards others, has spent the past two hou…
Demolition of community centre proceeds after rich developer proves to be amazing breakdancer
VANCOUVER – Despite efforts by local b-boy collective Kozmik Katz, and their age-old rivals the Zero-G Crew, to join forces and save their community centre through breakdancing, demolition …
Analysis: How will Montreal’s new mayor run the city with no experience in corruption?
MONTREAL – On Sunday, Montreal elected its first female mayor in the city’s 375 year history, but some political analysts are skeptical about Valérie Plante and her lack of experience in th…
House Republicans roll out tax break on ‘thoughts and prayers’
WASHINGTON D.C. — In the wake of several deadly mass shootings, including one in Sutherland Springs, Texas, GOP lawmakers introduced a substantial tax break on the ‘thoughts and prayers’ th…
Local woman has hundreds of facebook statuses ready to go for celebrities yet to die
CRANBROOK, BC – Claiming “you can’t be too prepared”, local woman Lori Patel revealed this week that she has mournful Facebook statuses ready to go for the upcoming deaths of hundreds of ce…
Woman on date chooses to ignore red flag of water served in old salsa jar
PETERBOROUGH, ON – Arriving at her date’s home on a dinner invitation, Cynthia Masterson, 22, has reportedly decided to ignore the first glaring red flag of being offered a glass of water o…
Local minotaur takes city to court in labyrinth zoning battle
KNOSSOS – Local beast The Minotaur has decided to take Knossos city council to court after a years-long bureaucratic dispute over proposed additions to his labyrinth. “They’re biased agains…
As male filmmakers are sidelined by scandal, Hollywood turns to films directed by boys
LOS ANGELES – The increasing number of male directors embroiled in sexual harassment and abuse scandals has threatened to shut down all film production in Hollywood, leaving studios in a state of…
Gendered Insults
Inspired by #metoo movement, local man promises to say cunt less often.…
