James Corden apologizes for Weinstein jokes by pointing out he is just bad at comedy
LOS ANGELES — After telling several controversial jokes about Harvey Weinstein’s alleged sexual assaults, late night host James Corden apologized by reminding viewers “I have absolutely zer…
Popular girl you thought would peak in high school reportedly still killin’ it
CASTOR, AB – Reports early this afternoon have indicated that the popular, intelligent, and beloved girl you thought would reach her social peak in high school is still absolutely killing i…
Cool prof knows name of every student he wrecked on midterm
TORONTO – University of Toronto introductory calc professor Sean Segal is “so awesome,” his students report, that he took the time to learn the name of every student he demolished on the latest m…
Andrew Scheer shot with tranquilizer while wandering shirtless through the woods
GATINEAU PARK – Andrew Scheer was mistakenly shot with a tranquilizer earlier today, after the Opposition leader was spotted wandering through the trees of Gatineau Park without a shirt on.…
Couple calling each other “babe” after forgetting names five years ago
BRANDON, MA – Living together in quiet desperation in fear of being caught, a local couple has resorted to referring to each other as “babe” after both have completely forgotten what their …
Don’t we all own at least one property we forget about?
BY: BILL MORNEAU, MINISTER OF FINANCE When we formed the government the Prime Minister and I were determined to put the politics of division behind us and bring the country together. We did that …
Sears closure leaves nation’s mothers unsure where to buy you ill-fitting pants
WINNIPEG – Sears Canada has announced plans to close down all operations, leaving the nation’s mothers at a loss for a place to purchase you irregularly sized sweaters, marked-down belts, a…
Update: 3 minutes of vest-appropriate weather is here
BELLEVILLE, ON – At a ripe temperature of 16 degrees Celsius with heaping sun, Sidney Barrett excitedly donned a vest for the whole three minutes of vest-appropriate weather that exists in North …
Inspiring! Company sex robot appointed first female CEO of Uber
SAN FRANCISCO – Uber, the world-conquering ride share and regulation-dodging app, has taken the bold step of appointing its first ever female CEO: Ashlynn Haze, the company sex robot. “We realize…
STUDY: Shitty boyfriend will for sure change this time
DARTMOUTH, N.S. – Putting to rest any doubt in the minds of ex-girlfriends everywhere, a new study has found that – despite noticing an established pattern of selfish, inexcusable beh…
