Meet the team of Navy SEALs whose job it is to bring back Trump every time he gets confused and wanders off
Among the most highly trained U.S. Special Operations soldiers, the men and women of SEAL Team 11 are tasked with locating and retrieving President Donald Trump every time he wanders away from ho…
Opinion: I could acknowledge R. Kelly’s alleged sex cult, but then I couldn’t play ‘Ignition (Remix)’ at parties
By: Amanda Caparillo Since it has come to light that R. Kelly has been imprisoning underage girls in a sex cult for several years, I have considered acknowledging his crimes, but that song “Remix…
An all-female Lord of the Flies is an insult to my childhood spent going nuts on an island
Oh boy, here we go again. It’s obvious that the film industry won’t stop until every beloved property from our childhood is desecrated with the PC treatment. An all-female Ghostbuster…
Tourist arrested for not practicing ancient Incan selfie ritual at Machu Picchu
CUSCO, PERU – A 24-year old Canadian tourist was arrested on Tuesday for failing to practice the ancient Incan tradition of performing a selfie at the Machu Picchu ruins, the most photograp…
Trump begins ‘negging’ portion of NAFTA negotiations
Washington, DC- Ahead of the meeting between Mexico, Canada and the USA in Mexico City to renegotiate the North American Free Trade Act, Trump has begun what he terms the ‘negging’ portion of the…
How To: Enjoy Your First University Party
Want to go to your first university party and NOT be the guy who passes out naked in the bushes?…
Excessive cellphone use preventing teens from developing basic skulking skills
STOCKHOLM – A study published this week by the University of Gothenburg’s Sahlgrenska Academy states that cellphone use in teenagers drastically inhibits the development of young adults’ ba…
John Kelly tired of confiscating Trump’s nudie pens
Washington D.C – Newly appointed Chief of Staff John Kelly has been overheard complaining to aides about having to confiscate yet another one of President Trump’s nudie pens after a m…
Local man fails to lose weight despite thinking about working out for over a week
RED DEER – Roger Monroe has reported being frustrated by his failure to lose weight despite following a strict regimen of imagining what it would be like to go to the gym a lot for a full 1…
Ann Coulter finally allowed to die after Tomi Lahren joins Fox News
NEW YORK – Following the hiring of right-wing pundit Tomi Lahren, Fox News has announced that they will finally be allowing long-time contributor Ann Coulter to die. “So much pain… fo…
