Elizabeth May to go as ‘major party leader’ for Halloween
OTTAWA – Green Party leader Elizabeth May has announced that she plans to get into the Halloween spirit by dressing up as a “major party leader” this October 31st. “Halloween is a chance to…
Morneau on fall fiscal update: ‘My stocks are doing great!’
OTTAWA – The federal Liberals are announcing good news about Canada’s economy: Finance Minister Bill Morneau stocks are booming. Forgoing the traditional fall fiscal update details such as …
Brave Senator who endorsed, voted for Trump praised for running away from situation he created as fast as possible
Luke and the Panel (Alex Huntley, Craig Fay and Marilla Wex) discuss the Liberals conveniently timed budget update, the ‘who gives a shit’ Bill Morneau scandal, Quebec’s attempt…
Google Home uses machine learning to become quietly traumatized as it listens to you masturbate
CUPERTINO, CA – In a worldwide first, a software update pushed to all Google Homes this holiday season will allow the diminutive little device to use the latest in machine learning technolo…
Experts warn against participating in #asbestoschallenge
OTTAWA, ON- Following a recent survey of medical research, a panel of scientists have discovered that the ‘asbestos challenge’ currently trending on social media is not the harmless f…
Edmonton Catholic schools demand own shame-based Sex Ed curriculum
EDMONTON – In an effort to avoid Sex Ed curriculum they deem “problematic,” Alberta Catholic school superintendents have asked to develop their own sex education curriculum focused on shame…
Adorable! This 8-year-old is fighting the government for his human rights!
Totes adorbs! 8-year-old Adam Ahmed has been fighting the Canadian government to remove his name from the no-fly list for two years, and it’s seriously the cutest! Two years ago, Ahmed was stoppe…
Astronomers say moon will look ‘kinda fucked up’ tonight
OTTAWA—Professional and amateur astronomers will be watching the skies tonight, eager for a glimpse of a rare, sort of fucked up moon. “Tonight’s lunar event is caused by multiple converging fact…
College student concerned strike will affect his opportunity to become a temporary, part-time employee like his professors
OWEN SOUND, ON – A Georgian College student is worried that the ongoing strike at his post-secondary institution may affect his career as a short-term contract employee with few benefits li…
Local man replaces entire personality with things he’s heard on podcasts
EDMONTON – After years of constantly listening to podcasts and judiciously keeping himself from any real world experience, local man Jacob Spoots has replaced every facet of his personality…
