This year’s jar of preserves from friend reminder to throw out last year’s jar
CORNWALL, ON – Local citizen Karen Baker reports that the jar of tomato relish Tammy Hopper gave her at the end of a dinner party last night is the perfect reminder to throw out the jar of …
Have restaurants gone too far with cultural appropriation?
We sent our favourite chef turned reporter to investigate cultural appropriation in the restaurant industry.…
Toronto Maple Leafs celebrate world’s longest running uncorrected spelling mistake
TORONTO – Today the Toronto Maple Leafs commemorate a 100 year milestone: having a name containing a spelling mistake that has lasted without correction longer than any other spelling mista…
“$60 for 10GB” phone plans give Canadians euphoric glimpse of cell pricing everywhere else on Earth
CANADA — A limited time offer of 10GB of data for $60 per month by Canada’s main wireless providers have left Canadians reeling in ecstasy as they encounter cell plans that would be pretty …
Ottawa radio station still waiting for first caller to claim free Sens tickets
OTTAWA – Four days into a gruelling promotion, soft-rock radio station CKJP “The Buck” has yet to receive one caller in a contest for free tickets to an Ottawa Senators home game. The “Mike…
Elf to step down from shelf after allegations of inappropriate behaviour
The Living Room – Beloved children’s character Elf on the Shelf will be stepping down from his duties immediately amid allegations of ‘inappropriate behaviour’. Though the action is apparen…
Trudeau gives Health Canada list of mandatory words including: “transgender,” “diversity,” “evidence-based”
OTTAWA – The Trudeau government has sent a memorandum to Health Canada insisting on a list of seven words that must be included in their upcoming budget, including: “entitlement,” “transgen…
Parents lining up to place children on lap of strange man wearing disguise
SURREY, BC – In what onlookers can only describe as a strange violation of everyday norms, parents from all over the community are waiting in line for up to half-an-hour in order to place t…
First white man to perform manual labour on CPR drives in last spike
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. November 7th, 1885 EAGLE, BC — The Honourable D.A. Smith has made history …
Incredible! This dolphin learned our language to warn us about sharks
Will dolphins ever stop surprising us with their smarts? A dolphin has appeared just off the coast of BC with an impressive knowledge of the English language, which he used to desperately alert u…
