TORONTO – After searching every inch of his brand new Liberty Village condominium, Chance the Australian Shepherd, is still waiting for the day when he can finally herd some goddamn sheep.
“It’s getting unbelievable,” said Chance in between moments of being distracted by a shadow on the wall. “This is the third time my owners have moved in five years, and I really thought this would be the time I finally get to organize some sheep into mesmerizing patterns, ya know?”
Chance, though bred for sheep herding, mostly spends his days aimlessly wandering the halls of his 450 square feet condo , having “tinkle time” for five to eight minutes a day, and psychotically obsessing about food.
“It’s not uncommon for dogs to miss their natural calling in life”, claims Veterinarian, Jeanette Peebles. “Australian Shepherds are genetically, very bright breeds that need a lot of stimulation to feel fulfilled. However they also have Instagram worthy fur and adorable eyes, so they mostly end up being a perfect for matching the colour scheme of a hip, downtown condo.”
However, Chance won’t let the reality of the situation get him down. “I always thought I needed to herd sheep in order to feel whole, but I can make due by aggressively forcing my owners to walk in a single file, when they take me out.”
While Australian Shepherds like Chance, often find themselves searching for sheep to complete them, other dog breeds suffer similar fates. Golden Retrievers are consistently looking for anything to retrieve, Basset Hounds are in need of smelling anything that will help their owner solve a crime, and Dachshunds are solely bred to be vindictive jerks.
Image via Flickr
