TORONTO – Yet another scandal rocked the Provincial Government today, when allegations surfaced that Kathleen Wynne blew millions of taxpayer dollars on lavish subterranean limousines for the Toronto upper crust.
“Must be nice to have your pal Kathleen buy you a multi-million-dollar car,” said 905-resident Dave Gordon. “All I can afford is my Chevy Suburban and Pontiac Aztec, and the pick-up truck we keep at the cottage.”
The scandal worsened when it turned out people who rode the underground sedans didn’t even need to pay for gas, and that the ultra-corrupt premier had hired hundreds of maroon-jacketed chauffeurs to just drive them around all day.
“Excuse me, but I was raised to take some personal responsibility,” said one suburban motorist parking in a bike lane. “I’d never accept a government handout, and that’s why I’m voting for someone who promises to give me a tax break.”
Experts say Wynne has further alienated blue-collar voters by preventing them from driving their Nissan Rogues along the metal tracks in the tunnels under the city.
“Just goes to show what Kathleen LOSE thinks of everyday folks,” said Gordon, honking at the Finch train while it hurled toward him. “I’m sorry, I guess you have to eat ARUGULA to be allowed.”
Doug Ford has picked up on the resentment, and is promising to make things better by burying everybody’s car.