Local arsonist has nagging feeling he forgot to turn stove on
WINKLER, MB – Already half an hour away from home, local arsonist Cole Agassi has remembered that he may have accidentally left the stove off. “Ok, so, I know I kicked through the screen do…
Ontario Liberals blow $105 million at the track after blowing $105 million on horse racing industry
FORT ERIE, ON – Ontario Finance Minister Charles Sousa has lost $105 million in wagers after announcing a $105 million annual investment in the horse racing industry. “Come on! Come on!” ch…
Nation awakes in horror to discover they’ve missed the Junos again
VANCOUVER — Canadian citizens have had a rude awakening this morning as the entire nation has gotten up and realized in horror that they missed the Canadian music awards ceremony the Junos again.…
Apple upgrade: Covering webcam now makes computer’s privacy-invading senses stronger
CUPERTINO, CA — In response to a growing trend of laptop users covering their webcam with bandages or tape in order to avoid being spied on, Apple CEO Tim Cook has announced that such measu…
Ontario Cannabis Store unveils $650,000 marketing strategy: hanging an open sign in the front window
OTTAWA – This week the Ontario Cannabis Store made public their marketing strategy for the provincial sale and distribution of marijuana – simply opening for business. “We spent $650,…
New and improved Google calendar now automatically reschedules your dentist appointment eight times
Mountain View, CA – Tech giant Google has unveiled a highly anticipated update to their calendar app, letting it automatically reschedule your dentist appointments so you don’t have to. “Wh…
Vancouver attempts to lower housing prices with series of neighbourhood dejuvenation projects
VANCOUVER – After years of struggling with an inflated market, Vancouver is taking drastic measures by using a campaign of dejuvenation projects to decrease housing prices in the city’s mos…
Disgusting! These potatoes were grown in the ground
Everyone loves crispy fries or creamy mash potatoes but this story might have you thinking twice next time you crave some potatoes. And no I’m not talking carbs. Deb and Gord Russel operate a pot…
Spring-cleaning hack: put everything into a black garbage bag and stuff it in your closet
Who likes cleaning? Idiots, that’s who. So this spring-cleaning season be smart and try this amazing time saving hack! Just follow these 5 simple steps. Step 1 – Spend 15 minutes (25 tops) …
Elizabeth May shivs biggest, meanest guy in holding cell
BURNABY, B.C. – Emergency crews have been called to the Burnaby RCMP station amid scattered reports that Green Party leader Elizabeth May has shivved the biggest guy in lock-up following her arre…
