RCMP tech crime unit asks Canadians to consider all sharing one flip-phone
OTTAWA – In the wake of a series of high-profile hacks in the United States that led to terabytes worth of private data being made public, the RCMP tech crime unit has released a statement …
Graduating couple’s long distance relationship for sure going to last
EDMONTON – Philip Diiks and Jenn Roe, recent graduates preparing to move on and start their life, are confident that their relationship will only be strengthened by living 2000 km from each…
5 random children invited to David Suzuki Foundation as enigmatic environmentalist chooses successor
VANCOUVER – A hush fell over the rapt crowd on Monday as mysterious environmentalist David Suzuki appeared in public for the first time in years to choose a successor. Heavily favouring a g…
Guide To: Canadian Cuisine
Did you know Canada technically has its own cuisine?…
Trudeau announces plans to travel exclusively by Pride Parade
OTTAWA — Ducking merrily into a spray of confetti, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced this morning that from now on he would be travelling exclusively by pride parade. “This is the 21st cent…
Local woman getting concerned after Facebook asks her how her father’s surgery went
VANCOUVER – Local woman Rachel Tremblay has become concerned Facebook is too familiar with her life, after the social media site asked her how her father’s kidney stone removal earlier toda…
Local toddler couldn’t give a shit how many times parents saved his life today
OAKVILLE, ON – Leaping off the armrest of a recliner and just barely being caught by his mother mid-air, inches away from making impact with the hardwood floor, local two-year-old Ben Marte…
Expos fans hopeful MLB will take asylum seekers as proof Montreal can fill Big O
MONTREAL — A group of dedicated Expos fans sent a letter to the MLB, Wednesday, offering the hundreds of asylum seekers taking refuge in the Olympic Stadium as proof of the stadium’s abilit…
Sadly, today’s college students won’t let me exercise my free speech just because this is a silent reading room in a library
By Adam Carolla Nobody else is saying it, so I’m going to—today’s college students are spoiled. By allowing them to cower in “safe spaces” and “quiet study zones” and “single occupant washrooms”,…
Canadian media promise to start covering NDP leadership as soon as Kellie Leitch runs for NDP leader
Every week Beaverton editor-in-chief Luke Gordon Field assembles some of the country’s best comedians and writers to talk, mock and riff their way through the news of the week. Then he puts…