Liberals backtrack on their promise to only backtrack on 50% of their promises

OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party continues to find the reality of governing more difficult than making campaign promises. After electoral reform and environmental protection they are…

Investigators baffled by mysterious body found inside wooden box buried under stone marker

GRIMSBY, ON – After weeks of extensive investigation the RCMP announced today that they have absolutely no clue how, or why a body was buried six feet under ground, beneath a large stone cross, i…

PCs hire man with air horn to censor Doug Ford every time he goes off script

BELLEVILLE, ON – The Ontario Progressive Conservative Party has put in place another measure to ensure Doug Ford stays on message by censoring anything off-script with an air horn. “Ontaria…

25-year-old coworker can’t believe you’re 30

MILTON – Sources have confirmed that despite your numerous assurances and even a brief viewing of your driver’s license, Lisa Eaton, your 25-year-old coworker, cannot believe you are 30. “A…

Pizza Pizza introduces new 16” creamy garlic dip

ETOBICOKE, ON- Finally acknowledging that customers merely endure their pizzas in order to get their hands on their dips, restaurant chain Pizza Pizza revealed on Thursday a new 16” creamy garlic…

I made soup in my crockpot, and you’re damn well going to hear about it

By: Ethan Dennis Hi, how are you? Okay, you son of a bitch, check out this soup. I made that. In my crockpot. And you’re damn well going to hear about it. Ask me how easy it was, motherfucker. No…

Manitoba capital relocated to Premier’s Costa Rica home for convenience’s sake

NEW WINNIPEG – Manitoba’s Premier Brian Pallister has announced he has relocated the provincial capital, Winnipeg, to his luxury home in Costa Rica making the Premier far more accessible fo…

Realistic pharmaceutical commercial

  Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…

Notley assures BC that in event of pipeline leak, Alberta will pay its utmost respects

EDMONTON – In an effort to quell BC’s concerns over expansion of the Trans Mountain Pipeline, Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has promised the BC government that any oil spill or leak will re…

Grindr defends practice of messaging user’s father every time they call someone ‘daddy’

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CA – In response to claims that they have committed a massive breach of privacy, representatives for the gay dating app Grindr are defending the company’s policy of al…