VANCOUVER – A local father of two was spotted wearing a heavy-duty nylon phone holster at Kits Beach yesterday. Several eyewitnesses reported that the holster was rugged yet surprisingly sleek and the man was clearly prepared for anything.
“Sometimes I’ll just leave my phone in the car, or maybe in my shoe when I go to the water,” said local swimmer Kara Simpson. “But this guy was not having that. The holster was unclipped and always within reach. It made me kinda question why I was being so careless with my own phone accessibility.”
“What if I spot something suspicious happening? Or suddenly get really hungry for pizza?” said Ms. Simpson. “No way I’d be able to get my phone out in time to notify authorities and/or Panago.”
“I take comfort in seeing a dad willing to ignore fashion trends in order to keep his phone slightly higher on his waist than a pocket would allow.”
Wearing black socks, wraparound sunglasses, dad shoes, and khaki shorts it became clear to the crowd that this was not a person who had come to swim, or partake in much frivolity at all.
Speculation was rife as to the reasons for the increased vigilance made possible with the holster. Some guessed that, because he was a lone dad amongst pre-teen children, using the holster allowed him to keep the aging Blackberry close enough that a threat to “call your mother” was ever present. Others simply trusted a man who would purchase and use that kind of equipment.
“He must be someone very serious, possibly military, almost certainly well-trained in dialling numbers and reading texts,” said another beach-goer.
Whatever the reason, onlookers said the crowd at the beach seemed to lounge a little easier after seeing the holster.
Said Simpson, “In these chaotic times, it’s good to know we can count on dads like these to hold the fabric of society together.”
